I need your help with the About Page

Edit: Based on your notes, a Hybrid Model has been created! It's below, after Version 3. I can't change the poll since it's already gotten votes, but

@Shauna G

vouches for it. So, see ya'll. I take notes too!

Original Post:

People, people, I've been obsessing over the About Page — the first thing a potential member sees before deciding whether to join.

I've got three versions.

I know which one I prefer.

Drop your vote below. And if you want to tell me why, even better. Which would make you want to join? And which sounds the most like me?

That's the kind of feedback that actually helps.

Thanks,

Dave

Version 1:

A great script isn't a story. It's a magic trick.

The books can't teach you this. Because most of those writers haven't lived it.

A great script is a seduction from Page One. An invitation to forget every other script in the pile and lose yourself completely.

When an agent sits down to read, they're not hoping to love it — they're hoping to hate it as fast as possible so they can press delete and move tf on.

The last thing they expect is to be surprised. To feel. To, dare we say it, laugh & cry.

If you can do that — you separate yourself from formulaic Save the Cat journeys that reads like they were assembled in a lab, not breathed into existence by someone that gives a damn.

Someone an agent can't wait to meet.

I'm J. David Stem — Shrek 2, $2.5B in box office.

✅ Live Hot Seat coaching

✅ The Emotional Authorship framework

✅ Real feedback from someone who sells for a living

✅ A real community that gives a damn and is growing together

Join now.

Serious writers only.

Spots, like talent, are limited.

Version 2:

For serious writers who want to write work that actually feels alive — not just follow formulas.

Inside this community you’ll learn how professional writers develop characters, voice, and story

from the inside out — so your scripts hit with emotional impact that separates you from the crowd of formulaic Save the Cat clones.

I’m Shrek 2 screenwriter, J. David Stem, and for the past 25 years I've sold scripts to every major studio in town. And with $2.5 BILLION in box office, I can teach you how to diagnose and fix your script in as little as one session.

Get LIVE COACHING on your pages: Monday, Feb 23. Link inside.

Discover how to:

✅ Break free from structure-first thinking that kills originality

✅ Develop a strong, unmistakable writing voice

✅ Create characters agents and producers are hungry for

✅Diagnose what’s actually broken in your script and understand how to fix it without constantly second guessing yourself.

Forget saving the cat. Save your script instead.

Join now.

Version 3:

For 25 years, studios called me when a script was broken and the shoot date was locked.

Because they understood I knew where to look, what to listen for, and how to cut straight to what's actually wrong — beneath the plot, down to the emotional engine that makes a script breathe or stall.

Most aspiring writers never get that level of thinking.

They read books that teach formulaic structure, but never how to make a character live, breathe and love in ways that make an audience give a damn.

They get notes from anonymous script services — told in vague ways what doesn't work without ever being shown why.

That's not what we do here.

We dig deep together — with table reads and brainstorming sessions led by J. David Stem (Shrek 2, Jimmy Neutron, Disenchanted, $2.5 Billion) I help you break down movies you love to understand how they actually work, so you can apply those lessons to your own writing.

No formulas. A new way of seeing like a pro that becomes yours permanently.

✅ Live Hot Seat coaching

✅ The Emotional Authorship framework

✅ Real feedback from someone who sells for a living

Join The Writer's Forge

Serious writers only. Spots, like talent, are limited.

Hybrid:

A great script isn’t just a story. It’s a magic trick.

For 25 years, studios called me when a script was broken & the shoot date was locked.

I knew how to read and cut straight to what's actually wrong — beneath the plot, down to the emotional engine that makes a script breathe or die on the page.

Most writers never get access to that level of thinking.

They read books on formulaic structure but never learn how to make an audience give a damn.

They get vague notes from anonymous script services and are left to flounder on their own.

That's not what we do here.

We dig deep together — table reads & brainstorming led by J. David Stem (Shrek 2, $2.5B box office). I help you break down movies you love so you can apply those lessons to your writing.

No formulas. A new way of seeing like a pro — your voice. Refined.

✅ Live group coaching on your pages

✅ The Emotional Authorship framework

✅ Real feedback from someone who sells for a living

Join today.

Serious writers only.

Spots, like talent, are limited.

Version 1: A script isn't a story. It's a magic trick.

Version 2:For serious writers who want to write work that actually feels alive — not just follow formulas.

Version 3: For 25 years, studios called me when a script was broken and the shoot date was locked.

21 votes

15 comments