Do NOT do NOT open your script like this...

A friend sent me his script. I swear to you I maybe made it half way thru the first page. But I was already realizing it was hopeless in the first paragraph.

I changed the names and locations. But you get the idea. As an agent/producer/studio honcho, if you started reading this, what would your reaction be, and why?

EXT. SUBURBAN SIDE STREET. MORNING.

Trash bins with cracked lids lean at inconsistent angles along

the curb, their wheels half-submerged in yesterday’s rainwater.

MAILBOXES stand at attention despite having no mail inside,

their red flags lowered in silent disappointment. The street

slopes gently downward, as if designed to encourage leaving.

DAVE LANCER (40s) power-walks with intention. Wireless earbuds

firmly seated, baseball cap pulled low but not enough to hide

that he once had great hair. His gait suggests discipline, the

kind learned from podcasts rather than hardship. He breathes

through his nose like someone who read that it’s healthier.

Dave is a man who has read the comments and decided not to care.

Dave adjusts the strap of his fitness watch and passes ranch-

style houses arranged with polite indifference toward one

another, their LAWNS trimmed into compliance. A lone INFLATABLE

SNOWMAN sags on a porch, still plugged in, radiating quiet

defeat like a motivational quote gone stale.

Halfway down the street. Two TEENAGERS in OVERSIZED HOODIES

stand beside an OPEN TRUNK. One scrolls on his phone. The other

stares into nothing. A SODA CAN drops, rolls, and comes to rest

against the curb. The trunk closes. They leave without urgency.

One gives Dave a thumbs-up for no reason.

INT. DAVE’S HOUSE. KITCHEN.

Slightly winded from exertion, hoodie half-zipped, Dave pours

coffee with unnecessary precision. There’s a corporate-retreat

energy to his movements. He taps the counter twice while waiting

for the microwave to finish something that didn’t need heating.

He knocks on a closed door with authority.

DAVE

Let’s move it.

LUCAS (14) responds from inside, voice cracking with confidence.

LUCAS (O.S.)

I’m literally moving —

EMMA

Morning —

EMMA (17) wears an oversized sweater and the expression of

someone who has already outgrown this room. She is attractive

in a way that feels accidental. She grabs a granola bar, raises

it in salute.

EMMA (CONT’D)

Big day, huh?

DAVE

We’ll see.

Emma pauses, then recites what she knows is coming —

DAVE (CONT’D)

“You don’t win by hoping.”

EMMA

You win because you try too hard.

She heads for the door —

DAVE

Text me.

EMMA

I won’t.

KAREN (40s) enters, composed, alert, carrying a FOLDING CHAIR

she doesn’t need to be carrying. She sets it down anyway.

There’s warmth there, but also bullet points.

KAREN

You bringing the blue folder?

DAVE

No.

KAREN

It makes you look prepared.

Dave shrugs. She kisses him. It’s efficient but sincere.

KAREN (CONT’D)

They’ll respect you.

DAVE

For what?

KAREN

For showing up.

DAVE

That’s never been enough.

Karen leans her head briefly against Dave’s shoulder. He allows

it. He likes that she believes this matters.

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