Tying the Knot · The Lighthouse Project

Tying the Knot

This weekend I did something I didn't think I would ever do and I got married.

My history with this particular establishment is not a particularly good one. My dad has been married and divorced 3 times (on his 4th engagement) and my parents divorce was the source of most of my childhood trauma. It's fair to say I had a lot of resistance to the whole thing.

I've been with Lavinia for 18 years and we have 3 amazing children. I have always been committed to the family but I always saw marriage as an unnecessary step in the relationship.

I asked Lavinia to marry me around 5 years ago and thought I had got away with not getting married until a meeting with our accountant forced our hand 6 months ago (romantic, I know).

This last 3 months has been a very interesting journey. It has triggered emotions from my childhood, relationships that 'might have been' have been put to bed. I have had to look deeply at the stories I had around marriage and my aversion to fully committing to my partner of 18 years.

The result, as always, of moving towards and through the pain are transformational. I have further integrated the rejected boy, the 25 year old that didn't commit to his Italian girlfriend, the man that was keeping part of himself safe.

I feel more grounded, more present, more committed AND I got to experience an incredible day full of love and happiness.

I often preach moving towards the joy and living from this point but often this can be found on the other side of our greatest pain.

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