🔥 Two Homes, One Overloaded Nervous System · Grounded Roots Parenting 🌿

🔥

🔥 Two Homes, One Overloaded Nervous System

🌱 When lashing out at school is really about feeling out of control

This is something I’ve seen up close before, and it changed the way I look at behaviour.

For a while we tried 50/50 parenting. Both homes loved the children deeply — but the experience was quite turbulent for them, and it opened my eyes to how much routine and predictability really matter to a child’s nervous system. 🎢

I noticed that when they came back to me, it could take up to three days for them to fully settle again…

Three days to reconnect, three days to soften, three days to find their rhythm — and then it was time to switch again.

And if I’m being open, the routines between homes were not the same. That wasn’t about blame — just a reality that children sometimes move between very different structures, expectations, and rhythms. For some kids, that contrast can feel huge. 🤯

Two beds.

Two routines.

Two emotional environments to adjust to.

That’s a lot for a developing brain.

When a child feels internally out of control, it often shows up where the pressure is highest… and for many children, that place is school. 🏫

You might notice:

🌿 bigger reactions after handover days

🌿 arguing, refusal, or sudden anger in class

🌿 masking in one place and exploding in another

🌿 behaviour that seems to come “out of nowhere”

This isn’t about blaming either parent or taking sides.

It’s about recognising how much adjustment children are doing behind the scenes.

What I learned during that time was this — sometimes behaviour isn’t about defiance or poor boundaries. Sometimes it’s a nervous system trying to recalibrate after big shifts in routine and environment. 🧩

Support can look like:

• allowing a gentle “re-settling” window after transitions

• keeping your own home rhythm steady and predictable

• naming the adjustment instead of fighting it

• keeping school informed when changeovers happen

If you’ve lived through shared care, you’ll know how layered it can feel — love, change, growth, and a lot of emotional juggling all at once.

Have you noticed behaviour shifts around transitions or differences in routine?

What has helped your child feel more grounded?

3 comments