More awareness and releasing!!π€―π₯³
Watching Cesar again... that show is helping me so much! But my point is, I got triggered during it (not because of aggression but because people were letting the dog get away with it etc), and I let myself release! I'm realizing WHY my system is SO ANGRY at people who abused me. It makes perfect sense. My dad "got away with it" my ex husband "got away with it". My brother "got away with it". Other people PROTECTED them, not me. Not ok. So that being said, I did my best to let myself release, and then I felt MY energy coming back to me! It is absolutely incredible when you're able to shed the shitπ€£ I have been a cycle breaker since the beginning with my daughter. But as Cesar says, all pack leaders have to be on the same page to be most effective. Well my reality is the other "pack leader" (her dad) does nothing but undermine me manipulate her etc.. So THAT being said, part of MY healing is realizing I can only do so much. It is ACCEPTING that she has free will to ultimately choose the type of person she wants to be. Just like when I lived in California, and I had to potty train her every week because he couldn't be bothered to maintain it on weekends so therefore she'd come back in diapers.. not ok. So anyway, ultimately this is all good. This is me realizing that I can only do so much. I'm doing an EXCELLENT job. And still, I can only do so much. So to stop expecting myself to "make up" for what her dad refuses to do. Otherwise, I will end up being controlled by him forever, and I will be miserable at best. EVERY good deed I do will be tarnished by him etc. I will still be in a mental and emotional prison. It is an energetic boundary that I need to create and defend. I'm responsible for what *I* do. This will take time and repetition because this isn't a normal way of living. But it is the truth. Anyway, I hope this helps on some level. These are always HARD-fought realizations. But ultimately I'm grateful. Because I see how others' energy affects me. So I need to and want to protect my energy.