The fact is, I created a story/game for myself in order to get my system on board to create a new bedtime regime. And last night was night 5 of the streak!! Also, I told myself before bed that while I can't control when I "wake up", I CAN keep eyes closed and try that.. I'm really relating it to taking care of babies... a lot of times they wake up briefly in middle of night but if you don't interfere (they're not crying or anything.. they just briefly wake up and you wouldn't even know except you are looking at video monitor), they naturally fall back asleep. So my point is: is my sleep IDEAL?? NO! Daughter's alarm going off at 5:30 is honestly not at all aligned with how my body is naturally However, am I doing everything in my power to optimize my sleep within that dynamic? Yes. I don't know if this will help anyone else but it is truly helping me: I'm thinking of any habit that I want to change (NEED to change, such as sleep) as a drug. So if my body and brain are USED to a certain way, it could very well feel like a withdrawal. And we might have cravings for the "old" way etc. And it might even try to "punish/influence" me to go back to chaos because it is like Cathy WHAT are you doing?? Fine. Then I'm going to make you feel tired anyway. Like an inner child rebelling. 🤔 I say all of this because this new habit is by no means even close to being ingrained yet. But I DO know that my focusing on it is making it possible. I now have a 5 night streak that I didn't have before. And I made this story that I am the pilot taking us to dreamland every night. And all I can say is that it is working. And I'm grateful. Because the adhd brain (at least mine...which also does have significant trauma etc) but it doesn't recognize steps like these. So we have to proverbially shout it from the rooftops! And that is why I'm already gearing up for night 6. It is like I'm catching a fish and I'm reeling it in, and if I want to fully catch it I HAVE to stay focused on it for a bit.

It is Saturday morning here. But I'm realizing something about myself. I WANT to do routines every day. As long as I'm a single mom with very little help, I'm realizing how routines HELP me. That being said, I'm reminding myself I'm not on a TIME crunch today but still want to do routine. That being said, I wrote it out and am STILL struggling so this is a reminder for me and others that if our brains have to read a list in order to do it, that is ok!! Anyway! I have timers set and music playing. Next up for me is making breakfast! Love you guys!!

Well, I'm grateful to say that I DID implement the new idea of bedtime to myself. I'm not saying I fell asleep right away because I didn't. Or that I slept deeper, because I don't know. But I DO know that I had dreams. And I didn't wake up in pain because an earbud was still in 😅 So, I'm going to call it a win 🤣

https://youtu.be/CbcNdzFDVo0?si=ZEuQrVgYvCjBVNq4

The belief you're carrying sounds like this: "If your own family didn't even accept you when you were at your best, you can't possibly, actually, truly, consciously screw up." Read that again. That's not a belief about failure. That's a survival contract you signed as a kid - one that says your worth is conditional, your mistakes are unforgivable, and the only way to stay safe is to be perfect while drowning. That voice telling you to "grow up, get over yourself" - those aren't your words. You're transcribing other people's voices and mistaking them for truth. AI is right! Holy cow!! Don't give up!