6h • General discussion
Realization
Mental habit I realized I've been doing...
Good morning! It is currently 9:23 am here.. I am in the midst of my morning routine (which is good!) but I'm realizing a habit I've done in the past.
Basically, internally, I take responsibility for others' choices. Particularly my daughter.
Integrity is my number one value I would say. And it literally isn't ok with me that when she doesn't display that (in this case, lying to my face this morning).
The signal it gives my nervous system is I must CONTINUE to be hypervigilant at all times because I'm up against it, etc etc.
But you know what?? Here are FACTS.
She has a dad who is a narcissist. He also has a TON of resources both financial and human.
His priority is to look good. NOT to set his daughter up for success in being an actually good person.
FACTS
he uses manipulation tactics, money, etc etc to control her.
FACTS:
I can ONLY do what *I* can do. I can't literally FORCE her to not listen to him.
So.. is it disappointing? Hell yes.. OF COURSE it feels like a losing battle...
At the same time, I need to remind myself that I am only responsible for what *I* do and what *I* say.
and realizing that as long as I check myself (which I literally constantly do), then I need to stop blaming myself for HER choices.
She is not 5. She is 11 and a half.
This has been a massive stumbling block in my life, because I take my responsibility as a parent extremely seriously. It is why I left her abusive dad and moved across the country. It is why I've made some extreme sacrifices her whole life. It is why I DEDICATE myself to being in the best energy *I* can be every day, so I'm modeling the right things etc.
So when I get lied to my face.. it feels like WHAT was it all for?? What is the point?? Etc
But you know what is another FACT?
That *I* can look myself in the mirror every day and say you truly ARE doing the right things. and that's ALL you can do.
Now, I'm going to do my best to let this go for the rest of the day until she comes home. I am mentally and emotionally handing it back to the person who made the choice. Her.
That being said, time to make breakfast!
The reason I'm posting this is twofold:
One- so that I can see the TRUTH of things
Two- in the chance it might help someone else. If you're feeling heavy and weighed down.. perhaps examine how much of that is truly YOURS, and how much might be because of OTHERS' choices etc
One thing I do in my qi gong practice is get OTHERS' SHIT off of me!!! haha!
Love you guys! Have a great day!!
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