The fact is, I created a story/game for myself in order to get my system on board to create a new bedtime regime.
And last night was night 5 of the streak!! Also, I told myself before bed that while I can't control when I "wake up", I CAN keep eyes closed and try that..
I'm really relating it to taking care of babies... a lot of times they wake up briefly in middle of night but if you don't interfere (they're not crying or anything.. they just briefly wake up and you wouldn't even know except you are looking at video monitor), they naturally fall back asleep.
So my point is: is my sleep IDEAL?? NO! Daughter's alarm going off at 5:30 is honestly not at all aligned with how my body is naturally
However, am I doing everything in my power to optimize my sleep within that dynamic? Yes.
I don't know if this will help anyone else but it is truly helping me: I'm thinking of any habit that I want to change (NEED to change, such as sleep) as a drug.
So if my body and brain are USED to a certain way, it could very well feel like a withdrawal. And we might have cravings for the "old" way etc.
And it might even try to "punish/influence" me to go back to chaos because it is like Cathy WHAT are you doing?? Fine.
Then I'm going to make you feel tired anyway. Like an inner child rebelling. 🤔
I say all of this because this new habit is by no means even close to being ingrained yet. But I DO know that my focusing on it is making it possible. I now have a 5 night streak that I didn't have before.
And I made this story that I am the pilot taking us to dreamland every night. And all I can say is that it is working.
And I'm grateful. Because the adhd brain (at least mine...which also does have significant trauma etc) but it doesn't recognize steps like these. So we have to proverbially shout it from the rooftops!
And that is why I'm already gearing up for night 6. It is like I'm catching a fish and I'm reeling it in, and if I want to fully catch it I HAVE to stay focused on it for a bit.
I've started thinking about the obstacles I face for my nightly flight to dreamland as turbulence.
So yeah in a nutshell, I'm the opposite of "just do it" or "do or not do; there is no try". Why? Because in my literal mind, it always sounds like "if the stars align and you can easily and effortlessly do it NOW, then you get to do it. But if not, you're out of luck".
But MY motto is "whatever works". And bedtime has ALWAYS been a struggle because of beliefs people ingrained in me.
My NEW motto is, if every single thing is on MY shoulders, then I deserve to give those shoulders a fighting chance. And that means getting those shoulders in bed by 10 pm EVERY night possible.
Another motto I'm incorporating: Live "life by the inch"
And "one choice at a time"- that helps me more than one step at a time..because in order to take the next step, you have to make choices.
I want you to think of whatever self-care goal you have as a finish line. And you WILL reach that finish line. Because you DESERVE to reach that finish line as much as anyone else!!
All that to say, sleep is paramount for everybody and everything. Even if we can't see it day to day.
Ok love you guys! Don't give up!! 🥰🤗