3d • General discussion
FEAR
I'm talking visceral "I'm not physically safe" fear.
THAT will stop you in your tracks.
That's what I experienced this morning. A maintenance man was coming to my place..said he was going to be here 6+ hours.. my place is small.. hormones.. sleep deprivation.. stress..
And he had told me to clear out a certain area... but told me last minute.. and I physically can only lift so much right now...
My point is, I realized that I was going to burst into tears in front of this person (or get injured) because my system was NOT having it.. especially knowing that this was during the time I desperately NEED in order to take care of MYSELF so I have a fighting chance to be "on" for Lilly when she gets home etc etc..
It boils down to a trauma belief that is "I'm not safe in my home around an angry man"
I know exactly where it comes from..
And really what it is, is that I checked in with myself this morning on "what do you need?" Etc. And it said I calm and privacy at least during the morning.
So when that felt like it was ripped from me.. and especially a strange man.. it truly felt dangerous.
What I want to say is, i ended up crying upstairs in my room instead. And I used tapping and energy work (even WITH cruel programming telling me "get over it" etc).. and it helped loosen the GRIP of that fear. Becahse I was in a situation where I NEEDED to eat..and quickly. But I felt I couldn't go downstairs.
It was rough. And another reminder that I don't have anyone (in person) to help.. or even just support..
But the facts are, I released some tears, tapped on fear *but also had to stay alert that my body NEEDED food or I was going to pass out.
I was able to go from "I'm genuinely feeling SCARED, and that's NOT ok!!" To "maybe it is ok to feel a little scared. How can I support myself through this?" Etc.
When people say "just don't let it bother you", I literally can't use that. I don't know HOW to do that.
I just know that I've never had a safe home.. and I needed that safe home feeling today.. and it felt like I couldn't because even going downstairs there might be conflict and conflict is NOT safe right now with how viscerally vulnerable I'm feeling.
So when I say this group is named The Conquerors, this is what I mean.
Because to others, this morning would have been a non issue. On other days, this morning would have been less of an issue.
But THIS morning, my system wasn't having it. And as I spilled my coffee because my arm involuntarily jerked (before he got here..when I was trying to frantically move the stuff by myself).. I realized I NEEDED to STOP. and BREATHE.
I think having adhd is a huge part of it too. Because I'm already realizing that my brain just doesn't operate the same way as "typical".
Anyway, I'm posting this because I want you guys to know that you are worthy every day. Even on uphill days.🥰
And THAT is how we truly conquer.. is honoring ourselves THROUGH the struggle.
Love you guys!
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FEAR
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Hi guys!! I am SO excited to have you here! This group is for ANYONE who is facing challenges and wants to learn and EXPERIENCE feeling unstoppable!
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