Yesterday
Beef jerky stick -100 calories
Half a protein bar- 110 calories
Today
Lunch
I had a muscle milk (160cal) at lunch and then a teacher brought in some LaRosa’s from a party they were having. I had 3 of the little chicken bites- each about the size of a boneless wing (based on the website- maybe 200cals) . And a spoonful of the icing from a cake.
I didn’t even think before I did it!
IT WAS SO GOOD!
Then the emotionally noise kicked in. Why did you eat that junk? Your so dumb for eating that. You don’t have any discipline. You’re going to gain. What a waste of calories. I even attempted to purge right after.
But then I stopped and thought about my mindset. Don’t let the emotion drive my decision. Ride the wave. This will pass. And for the most part, it did.
I still feel the anxiety. My body feels tense. But I feel like maybe I won in this moment.
I’m stressed about tonight - going out to eat and then seeing a Broadway musical - my favorite thing to do. It brings me so much joy. I keep studying the menu for the restaurant and am feeling overwhelmed at the lack of “safe” foods.
My plan for the day is to just try and ride the wave.