12h • Scream Into The Void
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It’s not really a scream, it’s just emptying thoughts.
Last week I came across a question wich has been stuck in my head: “ are you really trying, or are you telling yourself you are?”
That question really stings, at the same time I can’t tell why exactly .…
Is it because things don’t feel the way they are supposed to? Is it because I take brakes? Maybe I just like complaining about stuff?
Because what if… what if I’m actually capable of achieving my goal?
Today I also hit the halfway point in a 19week workout program, when I started I thought of it as a big win.
I don’t feel accomplished at all…
Also I’ve been spending a little more time with people, it should be better.
I’ve been to a birthday party, I’ve been on a lunch with a girl I’m starting to like (I think)
But the moments I’m alone at home , I feel more lonely than I ever did before.
Right now when writing this tears ore rolling down, I don’t know why. Will it ever be okay? Will I ever be genuinely happy/proud?
At the same time I feel really selfish, why am I thinking of myself all of the time? I don’t want to.
I want to deeply care about the people around me, genuinely support them.
And honestly I get why people may not want to spend time with me, even I don’t want to spend time with myself
I wish there was some way to know what to do.
I wish I knew how to become a better man.
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