I already know who's getting my votes. 😎 (Just waiting to see if Kalifornia sends me any more ballots)! #VotePedro

🤣 OH... absolutely a Swearabulary pattern!!! 🧔📚 The Many Matthews Loop™ A Swearabulary Case Study in Time, Regret, and Homework 😎 Monday Matthew "Looks manageable." Opens Canvas. Sees: 📖 Reading 💻 CIS2 Fundamentals of Sys Analysis 🧮 Calculus ⚙️ Assembly "I've got plenty of time." Closes Canvas. 😴 Tuesday Matthew "I'll start tomorrow." Spends 45 minutes organizing folders. 📂 School 📂 School New 📂 School New Final 📂 School New FINAL FINAL Actual work completed: 0% 🤔 Wednesday Matthew "I should probably get moving." Completes something useful. Gets interrupted. 👩 Little Lady: "The washers are open." 🧔 Matthew: "Negative." 🔥 Thursday Matthew Suddenly discovers: 🚨 STUFF IS DUE Transforms into: 👨‍💻 Programmer 🌐 Network Admin 🖥️ Raspberry Pi Technician 📚 Documentation Writer 😨 Deadline Survivor ⚙️ Assembly Matthew "I don't know Assembly." 30 minutes later: ADD MUL AND ORR 2 hours later: AAPCS Stack Alignment ARM32 AArch64 4 hours later: "I am become Register." 🍓 Raspberry Pi Matthew Feels like a movie hacker. Reality: ssh scp gcc Progress: ✅ Surprisingly successful 🤦 PEBKAC Matthew Program: Enter two integers: Matthew: 63 Program: ... Matthew: ... Program: ... 20 minutes later: 7 Program: ✅ Works Perfectly 📝 README Matthew Assignment: Turn in source file. Matthew: I'll create documentation. Assignment: ... Matthew: And references. Assignment: ... Matthew: And screenshots. Assignment: ... Matthew: And a ZIP file. 🤷 Syllabus Matthew AFTER SUBMITTING "Wait... what if the professor wanted a different format?" Reads syllabus. Finds nothing. 😳 Canvas Matthew "I should submit the assignment." Canvas: Sir... You already submitted it. 😡 Sunday Matthew Logs into Canvas. Sees remaining work. Immediately launches investigation. "WHY DID TUESDAY MATTHEW DO EXACTLY SHTTT?" 😴 Tuesday Matthew (Defense) "I was tired." 😡 Sunday Matthew "Denied." 🧮 Summer Matthew Appears from past timeline. Drops completed Calculus problems on desk.

(A MATTHEW ENGLISH FIELD GUIDE TO MODERN BANKING, BIOMETRICS, AI TOOLS, CRYPTID INTERFERENCE, AND THE WELLS FARGO ONLINE ACCESS AGREEMENT) ------------------------------------------------- 🟧 SECTION 0: WHO WE ARE (THE PATTERN RECOGNIZERS) WE are the chaos analysts. WE are the cryptid spotters. WE are the jet ski liability auditors. WE are the ones who see Chad the Reptilian and say: 👉 “YEP. THAT’S A PATTERN.” WE ARE SWEARABULARY! And MATTHEW (me) is the self-appointed field correspondent trapped inside the Digital Overlord Ritual. ------------------------------------------------- 🟪 INTRODUCTION: WELCOME TO THE CRYPTID INDUSTRIAL BANKING COMPLEX In 2026, banking security has evolved from “please sign here” to: 👉 PROVE YOUR EXISTENCE TO THE ROBOT 👉 PROVE YOUR EXISTENCE TO THE AI 👉 PROVE YOUR EXISTENCE TO THE BIOMETRIC SCANNER 👉 PROVE YOUR EXISTENCE TO THE CRYPTID COUNCIL Wells Fargo updated its Online Access Agreement again, and OF COURSE they frame it like a gift: 👉 “WE ENHANCED YOUR SECURITY!” TRANSLATION: 👉 “WE ADDED MORE HOOPS. YOU WILL JUMP THROUGH THEM. WE WILL CALL THIS SECURITY. ALSO, CHAD (REPTILIAN) IS NOW YOU.” This document blends: 🔥 PROFESSIONAL FORMATTING 🔥 COSMIC COMEDY 🔥 CRYPTID LORE 🔥 BANKING TRAUMA 🔥 DIGITAL SECURITY SATIRE 🔥 MATTHEW ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF LEGAL NONSENSE ------------------------------------------------- 🟧 SECTION 1: THE BANKING TRAUMA LORE Before biometrics and AI tools, banks already “helped” customers by: 🦴 REORDERING CHECKS TO MAXIMIZE FEES 🦴 REPORTING PEOPLE TO CHEXSYSTEMS 🦴 WEAPONIZING THE PATRIOT ACT 🦴 TREATING BOUNCED CHECKS LIKE FEDERAL CRIMES 🦴 INVENTING THE “LARGEST CHECK FIRST” SCAM Wells Fargo: “WE PRIORITIZE YOUR LARGEST OBLIGATIONS FIRST.” MATTHEW ENGLISH: “NO HUMAN HAS EVER ASKED FOR THIS. YOU JUST WANTED SIX OVERDRAFT FEES INSTEAD OF ONE.” CRYPTID ENGLISH: “THE HOLLOW EARTH COUNCIL APPROVES THIS REVENUE MAXIMIZING RITUAL.” ------------------------------------------------- 🟫 SECTION 2: THE RISE OF THE DIGITAL OVERLORDS

Ever notice how life can hand you a completely different person, a completely different situation, and somehow you still end up in the same damn place? That’s the pattern. This film is about recognizing it before you repeat it again. Because sometimes the hardest truth isn’t what someone else is doing. It’s realizing what you keep participating in. Created for Swearabulary in collaboration with OnlyDansAI. Real words. Real patterns. Real conversations.

You didn’t choose what happened to you. But at some point, you do choose what happens next. That’s where the pattern either repeats… or changes. Thanks for the pointers @Steve Tapia