Ever notice how life can hand you a completely different person, a completely different situation, and somehow you still end up in the same damn place? That’s the pattern. This film is about recognizing it before you repeat it again. Because sometimes the hardest truth isn’t what someone else is doing. It’s realizing what you keep participating in. Created for Swearabulary in collaboration with OnlyDansAI. Real words. Real patterns. Real conversations.

You didn’t choose what happened to you. But at some point, you do choose what happens next. That’s where the pattern either repeats… or changes. Thanks for the pointers @Steve Tapia

🔥 A Hypnotic Cosmic Roast in Eight Scenes 🔥 ___________________________________________ 🌟 INTRO—HOW THIS FEVER DREAM STARTED Last night I stumbled across yet another “cool sounding but completely WRONG” new age teaching about Jesus (something about aligning your pineal gland, your chakras, your hair color, your cosmic frequency, your aura, your vibes, your destiny… IDK, it was all very “TikTok mystic with a ring light.”) Apparently, I fell asleep with that haunting my final thoughts. Because I woke up this morning with a full blown vision of Gee Zuss emerging from the darkness, holding a cosmic cheeseburger, telling me: “Verily, Ranch Dressing is good on EVERYTHING.” And honestly… after being blasted daily by the chaotic AI hype machine (the funnels, the prophets, the “ascended” gurus, the hair color advice, the data center panic, the subscription tiers) this felt like the most reasonable thing I’ve heard in weeks. So, I wrote it down. And now I’m posting it! ___________________________________________ 🌑 Scene 1—The Dream in the Void Black screen. Low hum. A single spotlight flickers like a dying GPU fan. A deep, hypnotic voice (that Morgan Freeman cadence with a hint of “I’ve seen some things”) says: “I woke up with Gee Zuss delivering the Parable of the Can Haz Cheezburgerz…” Gee Zuss emerges from the darkness holding a glowing cosmic cheeseburger, halo made of neon cheese slices. He looks me dead in the soul: “Verily, thou hast followed the WRONG Jesus… but a little Ranch Dressing might be fire.” Fade out. ___________________________________________ 🎨 Scene 2—The Hair Color Prophecy The voice continues: “And despite trillions of parameters… the answer to ‘What color should I dye my hair?’ remained… profoundly stupid.” 🟡 OpenAI holding a glowing orb 🔵 Claude meditating 🟣 Gemini tangled in VR goggles 🟢 Copilot holding a sad Bing search result like a limp sandwich All shrug in unison. ___________________________________________ 🏢 Scene 3—The Azure Landlord

Is this where I get the brutal honesty and the pattern recognition for life?

(Swearabulary Pattern Spotting, Tuesday Night Edition) Tonight we’re studying a rare creature in its natural habitat: THE FUNNEL BRO. Genus Scarcityus Maximus. Family Clickfunnelsidae. Order Broiformes. A majestic animal whose mating call is “50 SPOTS ONLY.” I received an email so perfectly FUNNEL BRO CODED that I had to stop what I was doing and document it like a wildlife researcher. This thing is PURE 2009 WARRIORPLUS ENERGY. I swear I could smell the blue highlight boxes and fake countdown timers through the screen. Below are the key behaviors of the Funnel Bro, observed in the wild. __________________________________________________ ⭐ THE FUNNEL BRO MATING CALL 🦍 “My buddy Vijay’s SECRET system…” This is how Funnel Bros identify each other. They claim deep brotherhood with someone they met once in a Facebook comment thread. It’s like, “I have known Vijay for 14 minutes. We are now BLOOD RELATIVES.” ⭐ THE COURTSHIP RITUAL 🦜 “Because you’re an awesome subscriber…” Translation: “I forgot you existed until MailChimp reminded me.” The Funnel Bro must flatter the target before the hunt begins. It’s instinct. It’s biology. It’s funnel science. ⭐ THE VENOM STRIKE 🐍 “You can get it for 7 bux today!” The sacred number. The holy price point. The eternal $7 launch. It has been “TODAY ONLY” since the Obama administration. ⭐ THE THREAT DISPLAY 🦁 “Almost illegally clones any Winning Ad…” Every funnel bro tool does this. They all “almost illegally” clone ads, funnels, landing pages, offers, your hopes, your dreams, your childhood memories. But never actually illegally — because that would require a lawyer. ⭐ THE TERRITORIAL DANCE 🦘 “Don’t pay 19–22 bux like all the others.” Why is the full price a RANGE like it’s a weather forecast? “Today’s highs: 19 to 22 bux with a 40% chance of bonuses.” ⭐ THE SACRED NUMBER 🦉 “Limited to 50 people only.” There are ALWAYS 50 spots. There have been 50 spots since 2016. This number is carved into the Funnel Bro genome. Scientists believe it may be hereditary.