Feb '23 (edited) • EMOTIONS
On the Path to the Yolk
Loved the egg analogy at the start.
As you've said, it really is a daunting path to get to our true selves. What if we don't like what we find when we finally (try to) get beneath our protective shell?
The part on the emotional addictions reminded me of Albert Ellis's Rational emotive behaviour therapy. I suggest reading up on it if interested. According to Ellis, our problems, including anger, result from turning our healthy desires (e.g. success, approval) into demands. We often place demands on ourselves (I must achieve XYZ, or I am a worthless person). But they can also be directed towards others (everyone must treat me how I want them to treat me, or else they should be punished). Or even towards the world (the conditions in which I live must be according to my standards all the time, and if they're not, then this life is not worth living). As you can probably see, that way of thinking can easily lead us to frustration, self-pity, anger, etc. According to this theory, we don't get emotionally disturbed because of the unfortunate events in our life, but because of how we choose to construct our views towards ourselves, people around us, and the world. And we construct them through, for example, the use of certain language expressions, evaluative, sometimes judgmental beliefs, etc.
“Anger arises when an addiction was not met” – so true. I'm experiencing much less anger since I've started getting to the root of my addictions. But it is often painful to challenge some of my long-standing beliefs about myself.
I've also realized that I resort to sarcasm as a means of indirectly projecting anger. Reducing the frequency of my sarcastic statements made dealing with the true cause of anger much easier.
In my opinion, it would be healthier for us if we were to express anger, kindly, towards everyone we cross our path with. Inequality approach to expressing anger has an adaptive function, tough. Not getting beat up or fired sounds like a good idea.
Appropriately, i.e. lovingly expressing or owning anger, not projecting it. Maybe the most important point to take away from this video. We as individuals are responsible to deal with our emotional issues, mainly sadness, underlying anger. Knowing that anger acts as a cover for other painful emotions also helps us treat others with kindness if they happen to have an angry outburst towards us. Of course, we shouldn't make ourselves other people's punching bags (literally and figuratively), but not everyone is on a path of emotional healing, and aware of their suppressed emotional trauma.
At the end, I'd like to share my experience with the method of owning anger showcased in the video. I rarely feel the need to deal with my anger in such an aggressive way. What I've found is that if I think about the person I'm angry with or the circumstance I'm angry at when engaging in activities akin to those shown, I get even more angry. Just thinking about the trigger makes my anger more active and cements it in my short-term/working memory. In the past, I would just give into one of the addictions. Now, I try to get to the root cause of the anger.
Just as an end note, I'm going into this course with an open mind, and prepared to get my world views and beliefs challenged. I hope we are all ready to respectfully agree to disagree from time to time.
Thank you for reading!
Edit: I'd like to add a quote from Carl Jung I've just remembered.
“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.”
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On the Path to the Yolk
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