12d • Reflections
The relief of finally being honest
Hey Brother,
The fastest way to get what you want,
is to say what you want.
It’s almost too obvious to say.
But many of us don’t do it.
Especially in the bedroom.
We don’t want to feel weird,
or judged,
and we really don’t want to feel ashamed.
Now, when you don’t say what you want,
what you’re really saying is:
“I don’t trust that I can handle a no.”
So we start pleasing, lying, manipulating or waiting—
in the hopes that will get us what we want,
without actually having to put ourselves out there.
And if you’ve lived like that,
you already know how empty that feels.
I sure as hell do.
Now, here’s the shift I had to make:
Rejection isn’t failure,
or an attack on your self-worth.
It is clarity.
She’s not into something you’re into?
That’s great! Now you can stop losing sleep over it.
And here’s the thing most men don’t expect:
When a man actually owns his desire,
and shares it without apology,
women are often far more open than he imagined.
Because confidence in desire is attractive.
The more you share your desires,
the easier it becomes.
You still won’t always get what you want.
But the relief of no longer betraying yourself outweighs any no you’ll receive.
Once you stop seeing rejection as failure
and start seeing it as clarity,
it becomes a powerful tool for alignment.
And yes, that can be scary.
Because finally owning your desire might reveal
that a relationship was never truly aligned to begin with.
But here’s the thing:
Many couples reach that conclusion
before they ever dared to speak their truth.
So before you make drastic decisions,
why not practice honesty first?
— Sanne
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The relief of finally being honest