This Year, You Owe Yourself Everything

Now that we're two weeks in and things are starting to settle, I feel like I can finally wish you a Happy New Year!

I plan on slowly going through the quotes we've posted on YouTube and Instagram to dive a bit deeper than a quick post can do. Since the year is still relatively new, and people are still trying to get their New Year's Resolutions in order (something Amidei and I go into in our January 1st podcast episode), I thought the most recent quote card to be very relevant:

"Life owes you nothing. You owe yourself everything." Corey Taylor, Seven Deadly Sins: Settling the Argument Between Born Bad and Damaged Good.

Everything.

Stop waiting for a handout, a savior, or to be discovered and then finally have the freedom you want. It’s not worth living in the endless circle of “if only” and going nowhere. You can do this. You can reach for the stars and bring a few back with you. There’s a way.

You don’t have to go it alone. Many have gone before you and shined a light on their path. And many would love to join you and support you on your journey. This is especially true for your music career aspirations; it also rings true for anything you hope you could do… if only…

Do you really want to model those who have gone before?

Allow me to play my own Devil's advocate for a moment.

My son, Ender, is a reader. At 18, he's probably read more book than I ever have outside of my 10-year doctorate studies in religion and Middle-Eastern History (a story for another day). Ender, Nadine, and I often talk about what he's reading, sometimes all getting excited to find a life-changing book. when he shared with us Morgan Housel's Psychology of Money Nadine and I ate it up. Nadine even printed out most of his blog. I finally felt like someone was able to sum up my ever-looming question of "why would somebody do that?" You know the question. Humanity being sheeple, being human, seeming to disregard others, or making decisions that are simply dumbfounding. When Housel's book, Same As Ever came out, the answer to that question became even more clear. And I now know why I make so many dumb decisions! Haha!

To paraphrase one part of what author Morgan Housel said: When you look at someone successful, you can't simply pick and choose and model only the parts you like and expect to have the same results they got; the whole of who they are got them to that place. We compare compare ourselves to your peers through a curated highlight reel of their lives, where positives are embellished and negatives are hidden from view. You can't pick and choose a few things that contributed to their success, when it was the whole package that got them there, the whole person, negatives and positives.

As Ender pointed out from his avid love for reading, you can't have Elon Musk without what biographer Walter Isaacson describes as his almost army general like focus and mission to save humanity regardless of what the people he's saving think of what he's doing.

To bring that into being a successful rock or metal singer As you may have seen me write on this community before:

Elvis wouldn't have been Elvis without the drugs. Taylor wouldn't be Taylor without the "teenage drama" songs. Axl wouldn't be Axl without terrible vocal technique. Steve Tyler wouldn't have become who he did without marrying a 14-year old. Tim from As I Lay Dying wouldn't have been the same person to reach their level of success without also being the person who tried to have his wife killed. Dance Gavin Dance, Emarosa, BTBAM, Brand New, Of Mice & Men, Falling In Reverse, Flyleaf, Nickelback, and the list goes on, some far worse than others on the negatives side. ALL of them would not have had the success they had without being the whole person the are, both the good and the bad.

So how do we learn from them?

We find those who have had the success we want that also had the same core values we hold dear. Those are the ones who are worth modeling. Those are the ones who will help you find the path that works uniquely for you. Those are the ones who, for you, it's worth learning their drive, work ethic, skills, and strategies and the "why" behind what they do. Because we their values align with your own, your "why," the same drive and passion that drove them is very close to what drives you.

I once felt like I had found that in Nine Inch Nails. After my parents freaked out while on Vacation, thinking that they were watching a music video I recorded or a song called "Perfect Drug" and then my co-workers thinking I was on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, I thought I would finally check out this band that had become so popular. Like with most things, I dove in deep. I not only learned his music and methods for writing, but his approach to the music industry too. I had already had some success as a musician, but with Trent Reznor, I felt I had found my evil twin brother.

His music, his movements, his face, even I got chills when I saw him. His voice was the only thing different. That, and perhaps his darker side, which I saw in those around me rather than myself. Perhaps for the better at the time, his values didn't quite line up with mine. His "why" didn't quite fit. And while I was able to use what I learned from him to build back up to opening for nation al bands like I had done in the band before, it wasn't the same level of success I had experienced, and it eventually fell apart as we all moved onto other things.

What other things?

Without going into detail, I'm sure you know the feeling of "life gets in the way." We get distracted, we get caught up in worries and concerns, often beyond our actual influence, life keeps moving, we keep amplifying our social side over our business prowess, and we choose the less intimidating and more accepted routes over the seemingly harder and less supported ones. And because of this, we lose hope, our dreams fly away, and our passion gets shelved for "someday" -- a word most people tend you use as softer, less ominous and less resolute-sounding synonym for "never."

You know what? That's okay. You're not a failure. Those dreams aren't gone, they just changed. Your life is also not necessarily "in the way." Perhaps, on some levels, it was the life you chose, because, like me, you didn't want the dark, difficult, or "lack of support from those around you" side of those you were modeling. Or perhaps, like me, you hadn't yet found the right person with the right values to model, or even yet figured out the life that was good enough and would leave you content, rather than struggling and hustling for the ever-elusive "more."

In his book, Four Thousand Weeks, author Oliver Burkeman masterfully describes how we only have an average of four thousand weeks on this weeks on this Earth, and begs the question: If we only have four thousand weeks, and a good portion of that is spent in childhood, education, or declining health, why then do we spend our best days doing things we don't enjoy?

I often answer this with what author Jim Collins calls the core focus of every successful organization, "The Hedgehog Concept." This is where we look at what we are truly passionate about, the "why" behind what we choose to pursue music for. For me, that is connection with others in a meaningful and inspirational way. Combine that with what you have a natural talent for, your "best at" that you don't understand why other people think you are amazing at it since it's so easy for you. And lastly, being able to measure and refine your success in those two things by using the 80/20 principle. But before I attempt to describe The Hedgehog Concept in detail, or send you down the often treacherous path of internet research, I want to share with you a cultural concept that perhaps describes the idea even better.

Have you ever heard of the Japanese concept, Ikigai? Rather than a "core focus" and business speak like The Hedgehog Concept, Ikigai is a way of living. It combines four things to bring your life to a state of wholeness, contentment, and gratitude -- the word literally meaning "a life worth living" and more accurately translated as "a reason for being."

What you LOVE
What you're GOOD AT
What you can be PAID FOR
What the WORLD NEEDS

What does this mean for you?

Rather than should on yourself, or rely on the dream of "what if..." and "someday...," what if you instead focused on who you are as your best self? What if you focused on your love, you skills, what pays you for being you, and the purpose of providing others with what they're looking for? What if that looks like having a job that you enjoy, uses your skills, pays well, and helps others with something that helps make their lives better? And what if you also have your music and singing as a hobby that you love, uses your skills, helps other enjoy the world a bit more, and perhaps even pays for itself? And what if you can combine those two without losing your love for the art? What's holding you back?

What does this balance look like for you?

If you were to start living more in line with Ikigai, what changes can you start working towards this week? What do you need to say "no" to? What job would not drain you? What activities would energize you? If not a job or activity, what people? This isn't a race. Change can take time. But in a world where you only exist for less than a few thousand more weeks, how can you start enjoying the life you have more than struggling for something that you don't yet have? After all, life owes you nothing, but you owe yourself everything.

2 comments