On the road with ears! · Parenting Adult Children Today

On the road with ears!

Warning…This is a long one! I am not offended if you don’t read all.

My middle daughter and I are in Orlando. I am so grateful for the modules 1-3 and Catherine lecture Tuesday May 5th!

Day 1 “I put my ears on”. My daughter stressed with her work that she literally arrived at our long planned Disney restbit “unhinged” and disrespectful to the workers at the airport when she picked me up. She had an arrogant, I deserve everything attitude. We got into the car and she continued ranting. I just paused until the rant was over. Then I just parroted back “It sounds like to me your trip here was very stressful and you didn’t stop a long way and make sure that you had meals or even water am I right?” she agreed. Then I said how about we solve that problem first what are you hungry for?

Day 2 As we we’re entering Universal Epoch Studios,

She became unhinged again. This time the rant went in for longer and when it was over I paused again. This time I was box breathing because of the rant was personal. ( ignoring the personal insults of my adopted 33-year-old) What came out was, “ so what I hear you saying is that your job is so stressful that you feel like you have no place of peace?” she said yes, then I responded with “ Have you considered what options you’d like to take with that?” she calmed down and I did my best to give her space to think.

She spun up two more times in the park. And I used the same tactic. I did eventually fail. And at the end of the evening, when she dressed me down for in the line to the bathroom “Didn’t you just go to the bathroom 15 minutes ago?” So I lost my resolve at 10pm and said “there’s no need to embarrass me in front of this line of people.” And I walked to find another restroom. And instead of following along behind. She left the park, while I was in the restroom. Without any text message or telling me where she went. It was closing time and she abandoned me. With no way to get to the hotel and not even an address for it. She finally answered the text message and told me she went to the car. I had to ask where the car was and with no signs in the parking she to get walk back to find me.

I prayed all the way to the car. Closed the door an in a soft voice, I said to her “sweetheart there’s something I need to tell you about women your mother’s age.” This caused her to unhinge again she started screaming that she wouldn’t listen to another word and she was going to turn the stereo as loud as possible so that she could not hear me.

With the direct threat, I responded in the mom voice “ wait one minute”. She threw up the car door, leaving everything in it and the car turned on, thank God we weren’t moving! Then disappeared! It was an empty parking lot I don’t know how she disappeared.But she did. I looked all around and did not see her.

I sat there and prayed again. Asking God for wisdom beyond that which I was able, but also asking Him to give me courage to do the right thing.

When she came back into the car. I was able to tell her in a gentle voice, “why women our age might have to go twice within a few minutes of going, That it isn’t fun And we don’t like it, but it is part of our body growing old as hers will someday. And I gently told her that if she had given me just three more seconds she could’ve gotten that information with my apology for walking off, before she got so upset. I asked her to please never do that again. And I won’t have to walk off and find another restroom. This calmed her down enough to safely drive her car.

But we didn’t speak to each other again. It was the most uncomfortable night I’ve ever spent near her.

This was surprising new behavior.

I Messaged my husband when I got home that I was gonna to rent a car in my own for my safety. And ask if he had any ideas what to do because this was so surprising from her. He was as shocked as I was and had no good ideas either.

I sat there and thought about what we’ve learned in PARENT. I asked myself if this wasn’t my daughter… if this was my best friend that I dearly love… What would a reaction of love be? I booked the rental car and a resort!

Day 3: And in the morning, I told her that I felt it best to have my own vehicle so that she could be more independent and that the next day we could meet up at Epcot in the morning. Thu’s allowing her to get the rest that she needed. After the shock wore off her face she responded “mother you would leave me?”

I responded, “sweetheart, this is not leaving you. This is giving you exactly what you’ve been asking for…in love. We’re still in Orlando together. We still can do stuff together. And we can have holiday, But it appears the best thing I can do for you is exactly what I would do for my best friend… which is to give you space.”

Day 4-5

And we have had two lovely days. She still had moments of being unhinged but not as severe. She asked if she could come stay with me because it felt like Love just to have me in the house.

So I had the opportunity to ask her if the emotional hijacking’s might be a side effect of the GLP-1 drugs she has used to loose 110 pounds? She said it might be because it unbalances hormones. I recommended that she log onto psychology today's website and find a counselor in her area that works with her insurance because the GLP-1 drugs can increase psychological stress and need to also be managed by Counseling. I recommended a counselor who uses EMDR therapy to manage the stress. She thinks that sounds good so we are moving forward. I pray that she’ll call them. I pray that she’ll get help. I pray that the knot in my stomach goes away soon because this was something entirely new from a stable child.

I thank Catherine and this program forgiving me some tools to handle this so far did not lose myself in the process! And all of you for the support. Finally, brought myself a pair of Mickey ears to remind me to pause, listen and respond her as an adult. One more Day to go on the road with ears on.

21 comments