It drives me but destroys me. Sorry i been gone yall these last 10 days been spent in my head

Sometimes it feels like all u need to bounce back from a burnout is a sleepless night leading to a active morning. I can’t count how many nights i done wasted in a doom scrolling hell just to snap back into myself the moment the sun rises and revitalizes me. Sometimes i go through the darkest parts of my mind at night, fighting demons and shit, just to feel like a reborn angel off the sleep deprivation high when its like 7-10 am But this is a inebriated state, sleep deprivation is not healthy and is equivalent to being drunk. It the vice that sustains me/tears me down when im sober I find myself living some of my best days off no sleep tbh. I don’t hesitate to do i just execute. I probably created this skool in tht state. This week Ive felt like shit. Like the inconsistency creeped back up on me and i gave into all the habits i was doing good by avoiding. But i didn’t relapse on weed, i just spent too much time scrolling my mind away to the point it made me not wanna exist. I know im too hard on myself n tht issa type of self sabotage, i let myself slip down slippery slopes off minor mistakes. But i can control these breaks. Im proving that to myself. I want whats good for myself

I hate having my notifications flooded with “new post”, ts rlly kills my desire to interact w things and it contributed to my burnout on week 2. I fuck w yall heavy. I just don’t fw these notifications

I didn't feel like posting today. And all the notification from new posts to other communities that i can't turn off make me wanna leave them but i don't wanna stop supporting the friends i got on here by leaving. I wish the settings on this app where better

Today I felt myself sinking into my couch watching TV and dodging my phones notifications. One of the most frustrating states that I can be in, start like that and end after a week of the same thing. Gradually upping the need for cheap dopamine until im also scrolling between YouTube shorts, Instagram reels, and TikToks while the tv is playing something. I recognize how this starts. I don't want to fall into the same trap. I think I spent today slacking because starting tomorrow I have classes, a passport renewal, and a 2nd round of interviews. And I have no idea how it's gonna look yo balance all the responsibilities and still make time for muay thai consistently. I sense the burnout inducing routine coming. A lot of busy days. on top of all this im on day 8 of 21 doing prayer and fasting. I was fasting from sun up to sun down which i changed today to overnight, from 9pm- 1pm the next day. I also wanna start tracking my calories. There's alot on my plate while there's little on it at the same time. . Idk, i think im just venting atp... Ur old habits sneak up on u and im just trying to dodge it and break the pattern some how. Looking at the bright side, at least im sober