Learn to apologize without making a case for yourself
One of the biggest themes in my life this year has been the tendency to victimize myself and to be extremely defensive. What I realize now, after a situation this week with my mom, is that being accountable and humble doesn’t include validating your actions. I’m learning why allowing yourself to be a victim is dangerous. The biggest reason is this, when someone is defended by others, or is defending themselves, they hurt back and offend without even realizing it, and lose the reason they had in the situation to be defending themselves in the first place. It’s very hard to be defensive without offending. It takes discipline and maturity. Think about how aggressive people get when they are held back from a fight. How much shit a little guy talks when they have a big guy to defend them. The bible teaches to turn the other cheek because if you let the pain of the past dictate your actions in the future, you will only bring more pain and suffering to yourself and others. The thoughts of self-righteous justice or revenge moving you forward and clouding your judgment and clarity over your actions will lead you to offend the same or more than the original offense. Be careful, don’t allow yourself to be a victim, choose to be bigger than that. Once you forgive all offenses you should not feel like a victim within yourself, but just a person in a situation. And it’s up to you to step away, breathe in, and defuse the situation before bringing a worse situation about.