Due to financial reasons and the local men's council starting back up this fall I will no longer be a part of this community. On my way out I want to send gratitude towards all of the men that showed up to the weekly men's zoom calls. This was my first time attempting to connect with community with a medium like the N.O.W. academy and I was very skeptical. I was surprised with how connected I felt week after week to each man and the story that they brought. I was very impressed with the vulnerability, awareness, and action that was embodied in the calls. I also want to shout out John Valente for being about it and reaching out to me personally to be a support with things that were challenging me. Lastly, shout out to Kale and Song for pioneering the way for connection this deep to take place all over the world. Thank you!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Tgg8k88TuUDLOxb2ukxC5?si=gCMUJgNQTUSDBl74OfnK8A

I’m really appreciative of our community calls where I feel safe, heard and respected. Appreciate all our brothers heartfelt shares yesterday during our men’s circle. Thank You brother Sean (aus) for bringing awareness to some of the guidelines put in place to help keep our online gatherings sacred and protected, which fell in alignment with the theme of our call. Also, Thank You uncle for the invitation for me to speak prayer with our brothers as we came to a close. For years it’s been an edge of mine to speak in front of large groups and for me to speak the prayers I would with no other people around, has been a profound teaching and a gift to speak in this way. Oooo 💛🤍🖤❤️

At a weekend council and tonight we had our opening circle with 18 men in their mid 20s up to 70. My heart still pounds in these new moments, but I felt prepared and clear of any urgency or anxiety. I was able to share deeply and cohesively. I could look everyone in the eye, weave their own reflections into mine and then listen fully during their shares, while still holding room in myself to feel my own emotion and visions come through. For me it felt like a significant step forward in how I've shown up among other men and co create the moment. Shoutout to @Kale Kaalekahi and @Song Bledsoe and everyone I see on Wednesday nights. I am very grateful to learn from you by osmosis and practice presence with all the other brothers in the NOW.

Last night’s men’s group call was beautiful and it reminded me of something deep inside my heart. Sometimes I get so infatuated with being “better” that I forget to use the wisdom of what I come from. Being able to sit in a space where anger wasn’t judged or feared, but instead welcomed, witnessed, and understood. I feel an opening in me that I’ve kept guarded for most of my healing journey over the last few years because I fear my own anger and being unable to reel myself in whenever I let it out. Shadow integration to me is ritual combat, I’m learning to open up and become more aware of the beauty in being me and all the complex, powerful, and sometimes painful facets of what it means to journey this realm as the masculine. I spoke briefly last night about growing up under the shadow of an abusive stepfather, I learned early how to survive. I carried pain that wasn’t mine to carry, shouldered blame that didn’t belong to me, and tried to make sense of a world that didn’t feel safe. My mother, my younger brother, and I endured things that no one should have to endure. That trauma planted the seeds of resentment and rebellion in me. It shaped how I moved through the world and how I saw myself. Coming up in the south, my challenges didn’t end at home. I was often singled out in my neighborhood for the color of my skin being lighter than most around me. I felt too different to belong, yet too familiar to disappear. Add to that the weight of racism from those much lighter than me and it was a lot for a young boy to hold. No trust in the masculinity around me to help me see through the darkness. And without a healthy space for my anger to breathe, I turned it inward, or let it explode outward. Last night reminded me that anger doesn’t have to be a prison, or a energy to try to hide and forget. It can be a doorway. A doorway to healing, to truth, to power. The love, safety, and presence I felt from every man on that call gave me permission to speak my truth without fear. That alone is healing.