Would you have known?
Kale often talks about our words being prayers, or poetry. I felt this deeply when I witnessed people on social media chalking up depression into a clever single sentence "depression is suppression". While I believe that it is somewhat the case it goes far deeper then that.
As someone that still has moments of depression or unexplainable sadness that makes me want to curl up into a ball. I felt trivialized, how could it be that easy? Do they know the lengths I have taken to express this pain out of me?
  • Did they not know the years of therapy I had undergone?
  • Did they know the concoction of pills that the VA prescribed to me? But actually made everything worse
  • Did they know how far I have traveled to experience this retreat, this workshop, this plant medicine, this modality, this lineage just to experience an ounce of joy in my body?!?
In my passion I wrote the following, not even sure I shared it with anyone but this community empowers me in ways that I can't describe.
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Would you have known?
Theres this expression going around that talks about suppression being the cause of depression.
Well I have an expression too 🖕
Let me emphasize that something so complex as the mind can't possibly be intellectualized in one sentence.
Its funny to me to think that neurologist have been studying depression for decades and someone comes along and says "I have done it I have found the solution of depression. It's because you aren't expressing enough".
Do you even know what true depression is?
Its like falling in a hole but its not like any hole you have ever seen.
The walls cave in around you
The darkness encircles you
Emotions run so deep that it suffocates you.
You are surrounded by everyone and at the same time alone. The voices in your head smothering the truth that you know deeply but can no longer see.
*Whispers echoing in the mind*
Suck it up
Dont show any weakness
Dont be a bitch
Crying is for babies
No one will care
Talking about it after it happens is one thing talking about it during is another...
To some this might feel like home to others a mystery.
Even now I remember hearing the *click* and the endless silence after it.
The questions rolling in all at once...
Why was I still here?
Why didn't it work?
Am I meant to be here?
Should I try again?
Am I destined for more?
All questions that have yet to be answered...
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19 comments
Sean Daly
5
Would you have known?
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