6d • General discussion
LATE NIGHT REFLECTION
A few days ago, a sister I know was watching a movie. By the end of it, she found herself reflecting deeply and asking a powerful question:
“If you had the chance to go back and choose your husband again, would you still choose the same one?”
She shared this question on her Snapchat, and while a few sisters answered “yes,” more than 90% said “absolutely no.”Their explanations were filled with words that were heartbreaking, even frightening. Reading those responses shook me. It made me realize just how many Muslim marriages today are filled with sadness, regret, and struggle.
Some people even commented, “This is why I’ll never get married. I don’t want to suffer.”
That reminded me of something my aunt once told me. She said, “Marriage is suffering, and you just have to deal with it, because Allah told us to do it.”
But hearing all these reflections made me wonder:Why are so many marriages today so far from what Allah ﷻ describes in the Qur’an? Why don’t we see the peace, love, and tranquility that He promised us in marriage?
And then I realized—marriages are not all the same. It can actually be dangerous to compare our own lives and future to what we see around us. Some people enter marriage without truly knowing what marriage means. Nobody prepared them, nobody explained. They just did it—sometimes out of love without looking deeper, sometimes because someone was introduced to them, sometimes because of family or social pressure.
Others got married just to escape their homes, just to “be free.” Some said yes only because the other person was Muslim, without checking if they shared the same values and goals. Some got married only for children, and some were even forced into it.
In so many cases, people married with no clear purpose—most importantly, without truly knowing why Allah ﷻ prescribed marriage and without following His guidance. Allah tells us that marriage is meant to bring peace, but that peace can only exist if both husband and wife fulfill what He requires from them.
Today, many marriages are falling apart. Many people are single and afraid of marriage altogether. And yes, being single can sometimes feel difficult. But I always remind myself: being single also comes with an advantage—a blessing many people overlook.
We have the opportunity to learn what marriage truly is, to understand what Allah ﷻ wants from us, to grow as Muslims, to strengthen our character, and to prepare ourselves to make the right choice when the time comes.
And by this, I don’t mean we shouldn’t look for marriage or take the means. Of course, we should. But at the same time, we should take this period as a gift—an opportunity to do the inner work too. To know ourselves, to purify our intentions, and to build the foundation for the kind of marriage Allah ﷻ wants for us.
One thing I’ve also learned is that visualizing what we want for our future and our goals makes them more achievable. When we create a clear picture in our minds of where we want to go, it motivates us, keeps us disciplined, and pushes us to keep going even when we’re tired. This is why people often make vision boards—visual tools filled with images, words, and reminders of their dreams and goals. A vision board works because it makes the abstract visible, concrete, and real. It reminds us of our “why” when our energy or hope runs low.
In the same way, we can make a marriage vision board. Just like the ones we sometimes do for the new year, but this time focusing on the kind of marriage we want. On this board, we can represent the values, goals, and most important qualities we are looking for. It doesn’t have to be fancy—pictures, quotes, words, and even verses from the Qur’an can go on it.
And it doesn’t stop at the beginning. We can even continue making vision boards after marriage—but this time as a couple, setting shared goals and dreams, tracking growth, and celebrating accomplishments together. Imagine how motivating it would be to look at that together, as a team, and remember what you’re building side by side.
So let’s encourage each other to take this step. Let’s make our vision boards and motivate one another—reminding ourselves that marriage is not just about finding someone, but about building something beautiful with them.
We must not let society pressure us into rushing. Choosing the wrong spouse doesn’t just affect our life here—it affects our akhira, our children, and future generations. When we choose a husband, we are not just choosing for ourselves; we are choosing the future father of our children.
And becoming the best version of ourselves—striving to be a better servant of Allah, a better wife, a better mother—is not just for marriage, but for life. Every step we take toward self-improvement impacts not only us, but our families, and society as a whole.
So let’s change our mindset. Let’s do our work, prepare ourselves, and then place our trust in Allah—the One who never betrays the trust placed in Him. And if something doesn’t work out from our perspective, it simply means it wasn’t written for us, and it was actually what’s best for us.
Never lose hope.
May Allah grant us spouses and offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes and make us among the righteous. آمين 🤲
PS: I have attached two sample images of vision boards that I found, just to give you a clearer idea of what I was explaining above. I haven’t created my own yet, but these examples can help visualize the concept. InshaAllah, let's try making our own with our personal goals and intentions so it truly reflects what we want to build.
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LATE NIGHT REFLECTION
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