Gentlemen. Those who know me, know that every now and then I get real. As best I can. Lately, nothing expresses my reality as well as the poetry I write. These spaces are the first places I’ve begun to let it out. Like it or not, here it is.
*Wanna Be Guy*
I wanna be the guy
that outlived his past
i wanna be the guy
whose trama didnt last
I want to be a man
Who learned to be kind
i want to be a soul
that left the gristle behind
But I’m here in the kitchen
and I drink and I pace
And I live in the past
and watch my mind race
It races with thoughts
of dirt that I’ve done
But I no longer think
That it’s cool that I won
My thoughts take me there
But I step out and I see
That instead of despair
I chose to be me.
But my past is a pit
where I stand on the edge
i have to admit
its a thrill on the ledge
There’s some thrill at that height
that brings me back down
as those who relate
End up in the ground
And though I survived
i feel hopeless a bit
because im stuck inbetween
that ledge and the pit.
I’m stuck there perceiving
a life I let go
And I keep on deceiving
all the people I know.
The deeds that I’m keeping
that are too hard to see
im keeping the ugly
even from me.
I want to be the man
who can hold all this shit
but all I understand
is that I forgot how to quit.
I endured real carnage
and then laughed at my fate
Now im left with a vantage
That few can relate.
So I pace and I drink
and I write these things down
I pace and I drink
And I let myself drown.
Jcr 05/26