I’m in hour 58 of my fast 🤪 My caloric intake has been 15-30 calories per day (lemon juice and spices) Cold showers and my first plunges: one 2 minute, one 3-? Minute (Josh wandered off 🙃) My steps have been over 10k. Running and light strength training mixed in. I took a strike for starting my fast around 1am July 1st as opposed to before midnight on the 31st. What I learned about myself this week is that internal motivation for me is a mixed bag- I’ve been wanting to return to a greater caloric deficit to eliminate my remaining chub layer, and I likely would have…but every freakin day?! That required a push. I found it here 🙏🏼 I’ve also rediscovered a happy place for me- being entirely relieved of my own and others perceptions. I found this in meditation, and when my bums were high during runs. A special kind of NGAF. What has been a struggle, this week at least, has been steps- I was mostly in the office this week, 10k is easy on site. Also, my AC going out. So fun! GOOD. I can grow in my commitment, and determination, and the unit was old as hell anyway. Plus I’m getting to reconnect with my hvac guy whom I really like. What has been easiest for me thus far is keeping my mental state regulated. I have a lot of sh💩T on my plate right now, but I’m embracing the friction. I see this as a continuation of evolving perception that I’ve earned with the aid of committed meditation practice, which has gradually led me to greater live and compassion for myself and others, more truthful and insightful discernment, more attention and awareness to right thinking and thought control, gradually expanding awareness in general, all leading to better action and greater mental peace. One of my favorite things I say as part of my metta - ‘🙏🏼May we each experience a deep and meaningful mental peace thay leads us back to our strength and joy 🙏🏼’ One thing I have learned from the book I’m reading- we all have the potential to, and at times will, embody our best *and* worst self. Facing our worst self, accepting it, forgiving it, may be the only way to best overcome it, and embrace our better versions. And is up to each of us alone to recognize this- no one truly knows another’s greatness or lack thereof. It is forever obscured because it is only we who look out from within. Even if we are to be admired or exalted- all that is ultimately as much a reflection of others wants or needs as is it our own greatness. We must know these things within ourselves.

Fast 48 hrs- June 30 @9pm- July 2 @ 10pm Wednesday : 21k steps; 0 cals 0 Protien 0 Carbs; 10 pages read; 2.5 min cold shower Thursday: 13,100 steps; 14 pages read; 772 cal- 153 g carbs 19g fat 11g protein; 2 min/3min plunges What did I learn about myself this week: I eat (graze) way more than I thought. The amount of times I opened my pantry or fridge on autopilot was astounding. I should probably add at least 500 calories everyday to what I thought I was eating. I also learned there is a dark place inside of me that I am terrified of reaching. I don’t know if it is fear of success or fear that I will realize my limitations and be fully seen for who I am and where I am. Again, this is around my BJJ practice. I really feel like if I can overcome giving up on myself mid fight, it will unlock a lot of hidden potential that I have. My biggest struggle: The cold plunge on Thursday. Was very surprised and disappointed in myself how I responded to the initial dip. It triggered that same fear that I get when rolling and I get in a bad position. I wanted to quit on myself because I couldn’t control my breathing and amygdala went crazy on me. I used to walk into a cryotherapy tank that was -138 degrees for 5 minutes and thought it would be similar- NOPE! I think this is going to be a key to me unlocking that part of my brain that wants to quit, it will also help me learn how to control my breathing when I get in a panicked state. What was the easiest: Steps and reading. I normally hit 10k+ steps without trying on any given day. Thursday on the last day of the fast, I struggled to move. I am upset about those numbers for Tuesday, but still hit goal. Personally, I am shooting for 20k steps or more each day. I like reading, so this is a nice reminder to do it everyday rather than act like I am treating myself by reading on a weekend or early morning. What I learned from my book (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents): I have always struggled with this and am now understanding why. This line hit me right hard and hurt in a way: “People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can’t believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they much play a role that always puts the other person first.” I assume no one actually likes me, I am either “just a number to make things cheaper for everyone else”. “They don’t want me, they just want me to bring weed.” “ You were the last person they called to invite because they were probably afraid you would find out everyone else was invited.” Essentially, I have a fear that people are only acting like they like me to get something; they don't actually like Mike.

First off, I thought we were doing this at the end of the day, so Friday would be included; but I guess this makes more sense. Wednesday and Thursday (and so far today), zero calories! I am on the 64th hour of a 72 hour fast. I walked just over 10,000 steps on Wednesday and 11,000 steps on Thursday… cold shower on Wednesday, and cold plunge on Thursday. One strike against me for adding Crystal Lite to my water on Wednesday. Read two chapters of my book, or 41 pages… I can’t stop till I reach the end of a chapter. Hunger pains are playing a number on me right now, and on Wednesday evening, a little bit of hanger kicked in, and I probably would have killed for a snicker bar! (But hey, I’m not that kind of guy). Biggest disappointment for me was the cold plunge… I got three minutes, which was great, but I still haven’t been able to dunk my entire head under… I’ve got this irrational fear of the water freezing above my head after I go under, and not being able to get out, coupled with ANOTHER irrational fear that you guys would hold me under to get rid of me once and for all! Mike’s not the only one who thinks that nobody likes him! 🤣 The first chapter of my book is titled “don’t wait”, and as the title implies, we’re all going to die, nobody knows when, so make the most of the time you’ve got! I took that to also mean to quit putting things off, thus the letter writing I started last weekend, writing thank you notes to everyone who attended my mother’s funeral a couple of years ago… followed by more thank you notes to people who took me out to lunch and dinner after she passed, and ending with the people I stayed with during my cross country tour… including personalized notes and in most cases, photographs in every letter I write. The second chapter is titled “at once here and disappearing”, in other words, nothing is permanent. This chapter gave an absolutely beautiful description of what happens when you die… provided it’s a natural death like my mother had. It literally put into words everything that happened with my mother from the time she fell asleep and never woke up, till three days later when she finally passed. Again, it’s all about making the most of this life we have been given, cuz none of knows how long it’s going to last.

Gentlemen, Our first Thursday evening circle is tomorrow 7-9pm at my place 1302 E St Clair St Please arrive a few minutes early to get settled in. We'll begin with a check in, followed by breathwork and great conversation. Let us know below if you plan to attend!