Mar '25 • 💬 General discussion
I’m going to be honest, I need help.
Even typing that made my eyes tear up.
I don’t even know where to begin…and that opened the flood gates haha…fuck guys. Idk how long I can do this.
I know with my history of quick up and downs that I could be base level or low level manic before I know it. But there’s something about being in a depressed state that convinces my entire reality that I’ll never be ok again.
I’m in a chapter of independence after a breakup, to break a 15 year cycle that was probably going on well before I counted myself as an adult.
When you try to survive, bad habits, vices, and dependency just sort of happen.
I’m going to type some stuff out for myself and put it out there, for accountability, understanding, and maybe someone will see it and relate or know something that I don’t.
I’m going to start with symptoms and see what comes out after.
34yo M 6’2” 190lbs (San Antonio)
high-ish metabolism at least before I was 30
404 testosterone
Symptoms I am feeling today, this week, this month, this year, and over the last 30 years (as far back as my memory goes)
Actual Diagnosi’s (Although now I don’t identify AS these but simply admit that I have symptoms related to and on the multi faceted spectrum OF these)
Bipolar II
BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
General Anxiety Disorder
ADHD
(Taking 125mg Zoloft - SSRI and 1000mg Depakote - Mood Stabilizer at night. These medicines took me from fetal position crying from morning to night, to functioning enough to live and grow)
(I mention these diagnosi’s because if anything, the symptoms of, and relations to each other, are very reflective of my daily struggles)
-General tiredness
-Suicidal Ideation
-Depression
-Anxiety
-Addiction (Mostly in the form of manipulating dopamine rather than drugs or alchohol ie vaping, energy drinks, being lazy, porn, impulsivity, sex, thrill seeking, reckless behavior)
-Low level Mania (Not Bipolar 1 mania)
-Symptoms tied to Borderline Personality Disorder
-Numb
-Confidence
-Lack of Confidence
-No sense of self
-Lack of self worth
-Motivated
-Unmotivated
-Massive lack of interest
-Interested
-Hyper fixation
-Laziness (which is mostly lack of capacity to)
-Sensitivity to sound (that I can’t control)
-Inability to focus (While reading or sometimes spacey)
-Cinisism, Pessimism, and general misanthropic thoughts
-General mental suffering that bleeds into physical being whether diet, not eating, etc
-Minimal movement
-Abandonment and other childhood and adult traumas that seem to bleed into my daily reality
I think every day is a struggle for me…
Things I wish I had more of:
Sense of self
Energy
Interest
Bandwidth/RAM
Confidence
Money
Resources to grow and ability to take them on
Mentors
Emotional Stability
I guess I’m going to post this now…I know that there is more to be said but…The emotions have subsided and I have text to look back on and use to guide me a little bit moving forward.
I want to live, I think it’s the only way to make surviving worth it.
I posted pictures below to show you what someone looks like that holds all of this inside. Obviously I’m not hiding any emo tendencies but your best friend or acquaintance can be a day from being gone forever and his smile might fool you. Be grateful to the ones you love, say the things now that you’d say at their funeral, it’s not gay it’s not dumb, it’s being human.
10
23 comments
I’m going to be honest, I need help.
skool.com/men-of-action-free
Forge an elite social circle in any city… so you can make successful friends… and EFFORTLESSLY meet stunning, high-quality women. We are Men of Action
Leaderboard (30-day)
1
🔥
+161
2
+152
3
+102
4
+66
5
+45
Powered by