Ugh, feeling like the worst mom · Kingdom University

Ugh, feeling like the worst mom

Oh my gosh help me because I can’t get anything right. I am majorly stressed over here trying to pack up and move. The kids were watching some TV so I couldn’t help load some heavy items and then they came in the garage bothering me and tattling on each other. “Seven made mean faces at me” “5 said nanananana to me”. Ok well you guys know the rule, if you’re not being kind to each other you lose TV time. 5 said “I don’t mind”. I said ok. They both ran to compete to turn off the TV and fighting each other who was gonna turn it off. I just lost it and screamed STOP like a psycho and they stopped. I turned off the TV. I said you both just lost TV tomorrow too. 5 again said “I don’t even mind”. I said ok. Go get into bed and pick 1 book. I told 7 pick a book and stay in her room I’ll be there when I’m done putting down 5. I tell 5 to put on her PJs. She starts talking about other things (stalling/delaying). I said I’m not talking about anything else until you have your PJs on. She just kept saying mom mom mom mom. I said ok you just lost story time. She said “I don’t even mind I’ll read it myself”. I said ok. She still wasn’t putting her PJs on so I went to take them out of her hand and put them on her. She wouldn’t let them go. This is such a trigger for me because why the heck am I in a physical power struggle with a 5 year old?!!! I never know what to do here so I just said “I’m going to count to 5 and if you don’t let go I’m going to yank them and you might get hurt”. Counted to 5, yanked them. 5 says “that didn’t even hurt”. I said ok. I put her PJs on. She asks if we can do her little calm down breathing card and I said no (I should have honestly said yes because we were both disregulated and needed it… but my brain thought it was too much like reading which I had said she lost). She starts crying. She’s saying I don’t even care about her and no one cares about her, only dad cares (we’re divorced). I pick her up and put her in bed. She is still crying. I ask if she wants a hug, she says yes. We hug. I tell her goodnight and I love her.

How does this go so wrong?!!!

Huge triggers for me: my kids being unkind to each other / fighting, power struggles and defiance, being told I don’t care about them or they love dad more. Am I just taking it all too personal?!

Moments like this make me feel like my kids are out of control but I don’t know how to fix it and it’s not always like this…

If you stuck around for the novella, THANKS!!

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Ugh, feeling like the worst mom