6d • General discussion
Moral Development Didn't Fail- We Opted Out
So, permission to be weird.
(Permission granted!)
The collective is going through a pretty massive awakening. It’s not the end of the world, but rather the end of a world. We can no longer afford to be neutral while staring injustice in its horrifying, pimply, twisted face. Because nothing is ever neutral- silence is complicity. Silence gives hatred, inequity, and fear permission to continue. I often find myself frustrated with people who I consider “good” who also remain willfully ignorant, silent, and complicit in allowing broken systems to thrive (thank you, neurodivergence).
While rage-running at the gym, I ripped open a memory box from one of the many psychology courses I took in college. After calling my dad, relearning a few terms, and screaming into the void, I transmuted my running rage into (mostly) coherent thoughts, which have helped me to understand why we are where we are and to (hopefully) provide insights and hope to others.
Kohlberg’s theory of moral development outlines how people can progress through different levels and stages of morality. He argues that people move through each level as they get older, which I wholeheartedly disagree with, but more on that later. Growth isn’t guaranteed- it’s a choice. And a lot of people opt out.
Essentially, the three levels look like this:
Pre-Conventional
Moral reasoning is simple and self-centered. I either avoid punishment or do something because I get something in return. For example, Mom gets mad when I hit my sibling, so I will not hit my sibling to avoid getting into trouble (not because I know that hitting hurts others). Or, I know that when I help my teacher, I get a sticker on my sticker chart. So I will help my teacher because I want to fill up my sticker chart and earn a prize (not because I value contributing). This stage is said to last from ages 3 to 9 years old (or forever, if you're a politician in Utah).
Conventional
Moral reasoning is guided by law and order, and by what society expects of me. I follow the rules because they're there for a reason, even if I’m not sure what that reason is. Known as the “good girl/boy” stage, I know my behavior is judged by others, and I want approval to fit in. I am a contributing member of society, and I am not going to rock the boat. Most adults land here and stay. Why? Because it’s comfortable. And humans will choose comfort over growth almost every time.
Religious spaces can be especially good at keeping people here. When belonging is tied to obedience, questioning starts to feel dangerous. So instead of asking hard questions, people double down on certainty. Follow the rules, say the right things, but most importantly, stay in line. You’re “good”, which means you’re “safe”. Right?
Maybe. But “fitting in” and “being safe” are not the same thing.
This stage runs on an “if…then…” contract with life: If I do everything right…then everything will work out. If I follow the rules…then I’ll be rewarded.
But a lot of people (millennials, specifically) are waking up to the reality that this contract was a deal with delusion. You can do everything “right” and still end up overworked, underpaid, and stagnant.
And if you’re feeling called out and defensive right now, cool! Keep reading, it might be worth paying attention to.
So, let’s skip on over to the next level, just for fun.
Post-Conventional
Moral reasoning is fluid, and laws are flexible- but should only exist to promote humanity. Rules should be upheld, sure, but need to be changed if they don’t serve the highest good. Or if they’re stupid. I follow my internal moral compass, focused on justice, equity, and human dignity- even if that conflicts with laws or religious beliefs.
Few adults get here because the ones that do are annoying as hell and ask “why” all the time. They challenge the status quo, and cognitive dissonance is their BFF. Post-Conventional peeps love to learn, change their minds, and share what they've learned with others. Their moral compass is fluid and shifts as new information becomes available, but upholding the humanity of all remains the focus of every choice.
That can make others feel uncomfortable. People stuck in conventional morality really don’t appreciate being made to feel uncomfortable- after all, they are “good people”, right?
I don’t know about that. Truly, the worst people I’ve ever met have a bible quote on their social media profile. Being religious and following rules does not automatically make you a safe person. I’m switching from “good” to “safe” here intentionally- stay with me.
So, where are we as a society? A collective? It’s pretty clear to me that the privileged people in power have been perpetually stuck in the Pre-Conventional stage- leading with ego, greed, and short-term vision. It makes sense. The system has worked for them- that’s why they’re fighting so damn hard to keep the system stagnant. But, perhaps worse? Most of the adults in the room are willing to put on their noise-canceling headphones, then retire to their snuggie and shows to avoid true accountability for the broken system they’re continually reinforcing. It feels safe- for now.
But, we see the cracks. We feel the dissonance. Then…we opt out of accountability.
However, it’s never been safe. Luck is the only constant in the system. Where I was born, the color of my skin, my family dynamics- it’s all luck. It’s all happenstance. Even writing this, I recognize the privilege I hold. I’m a pasty-ass white girl from Utah, surrounded by people who (mostly) tolerate my shenanigans.
And still- I can see the patterns and it’s not…subtle.
History doesn’t repeat herself exactly, but she loves to echo. And when silence, fear, and dehumanization start getting louder, ignoring them doesn’t make them go away.
So what do we do? Well, let’s start by following the wise words of Civil Rights leader John Lewis- “Let’s get into some good trouble.”
The more authentic and loud I am, the more courage others have to be and do the same. Listen to your intuition, she’s never wrong. Speak up, speak out. LOUDLY. Move past your faux safety and conventional ways in everything you do. Wear the tiara, call out injustice, be annoying.
Am I scared? Sure. But the way I see it, we, as a collective, have two choices right now.
Be scared and be silent. Or. Be scared and be brave as hell.
So let’s be brave (and weird) together.
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Moral Development Didn't Fail- We Opted Out
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