Mar 31 • General discussion
Week 1 Assignment For Paying Members- Revealing Deeper Layers of the Powerlessness
Yesterday each of you posted your "I can't", and what that looks like for you. This is the area of your life you've confessed that you are powerless to. Today, I would like for you to begin your weekly assignment with a follow up to that post by leaving a comment under this post answering the following things....remember, these are asking for deeper insight around what you posted in your comment yesterday. This is not due until Tuesday the 7th at 5pm CST. An email has been sent to confirm this as your 1st check-in of week 2. All that is due on the 1st check-in of next week is this assignment. The 2nd check-in later in the week will focus on sharing through voice notes and I'll offer a bit of guidance on what we will exchange around.
Read this carefully and pay attention to what's being asked. This is where we start to clean up our language. Myself included! Let's begin....
Naming your "can't":
• What is the pattern?
• What is the actual behavior?
• What do you keep doing?
• What can’t you seem to stop doing?
• What do you keep returning to even though it costs you?
Say it straight. Example:
NOT: “I struggle with self-worth around relationships.”
More like: “When I feel rejected, I obsess, spiral, check my phone, stalk emotionally, and lose my peace.”
Give one real, recent example of this pattern from your actual life. Answer the following:
• What happened?
• Who was involved?
• What did you do?
• What did you say?
• What did you avoid?
• What was the situation?
Keep it concrete. One situation. One example. One doorway into the truth.
Separate the Layers.
A. What happened?
State the facts only.
B. What did you feel?
Use actual feelings words:sad, ashamed, angry, scared, lonely, numb, overwhelmed, hurt, jealous, guilty, empty, etc.
What story did you tell?
What did you make it mean about:
• yourself?
• the other person?
D. What did you actually do? Name the behavior.
Did you:
• withdraw
• shut down
• lash out
• punish
• over-explain
• lie
• hide
• numb out
• scroll
• binge
• control
• avoid
• manipulate
• perform
• go silent
• act like you were fine
• etc
Write 5–10 clean statements that tell the truth plainly.
Examples:
• “I am control how people see me.”
• “I hide when I feel exposed.”
• “I use my phone to avoid stillness.”
• “I punish people by withdrawing.”
• “I keep acting like I’m okay when I’m not.”
• “I want to look powerful more than I want to be honest.”
Language to remove:
• “I feel like…”
• “kind of…”
• “maybe…”
• “I guess…”
• “it’s almost like…”
• “I don’t know but…”
• vague spiritual language
• polished explanations
• diagnoses that let you hide
This is the heart of the assignment. Complete the following statements:
• I am powerless over…
• I keep trying to manage…
• My life becomes unmanageable when…
• If I could have stopped this on my own, I would have already…
• The truth is: I cannot fix this by image management, self-improvement, or trying harder because…
Be completely honest here. This is not about condemning yourself. This is about finally dropping the lie that you are handling something you are clearly not handling.
Name the Cost to You:
Answer:
• What has this pattern cost you emotionally?
• What has it cost you mentally?
• What has it cost you physically?
• What has it cost you spiritually?
• What has it cost you relationally?
Be specific.
Not:“It has affected me negatively.”
More like:“I lose hours of my life. I become disconnected. I feel ashamed. I hide. I stop praying. I feel fake. I lose trust in those around me.”
Name the Cost to Other People:
This is where a lot of people try to escape.
Do not stay self-focused.
Answer:
• What is it like to be on the other side of this pattern in you?
• How does this affect the people closest to you?
• How does it impact your partner, child, family, friends, team, clients, or community?
• What do they not get from you when this pattern is running?
• How does your hiding, controlling, numbing, or avoiding land on them?
Tell the truth.
Declaration
Write a final declaration in 8–12 sentences that includes:
• where your life has become unmanageable
• what you now see more clearly
• what you have been hiding
• what you are no longer willing to pretend
• what surrender looks like for you right now
Do not rush these assignments, do not wait until the last minute and then complain about it, or read the words through a lens of pride. Slow down. Take it in. And answer with directness and truth.
This assignment is taking us deeper than we have been thus far by examining the truth of who we pretendto be. This is where we show up even more honest, even more transparent and even more raw.
This is an assignment I'm also completing (except mine has about 4 more pages to it - this is a highly condensed version). I'm excited to take this journey alongside each of you. I'll share my answers with everyone after each of you have shared yours so that my answers dont lead someone else's.
Xoxo
Éoaccí Éin
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Week 1 Assignment For Paying Members- Revealing Deeper Layers of the Powerlessness
