Self-Love: Empowerment or Self-Absorption? · Inspired Life, Empowered Being

Self-Love: Empowerment or Self-Absorption?

Self-care, self-love, self-reflection....self, self, self. These all seem to be great things, but is there a dark side to this? Have we become so obsessed with ourselves that we're actually doing more harm than good? The opposite, self-abandonment and self-neglect, are not great either. Is there a line that we can walk better? Can we have a better relationship with our selves?

𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐀

Philautia (φιλαυτία) comes from Ancient Greek: philos = love, affection autos = self

Meaning: self-love or love of oneself.

In some contexts this was seen as a virtue while in others it's seen as a vice. So, I suppose context and further definition matters.

𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

Healthy self-regard is beneficial for wellbeing....I'd argue that humility is being able to be grounded in truth. It's not about downing oneself, but rather about being abile to see something for what it is--we'd be able to see our strong points and also our weak points. But with our ability to see our weaknessess and mistakes, we would also need to pair that up with self-compassion This leads to more resilience, more accountability, and increased ability to learn from our mistakes. In this sense, self-love isn't arrogance but it's rather the foundation of growth.

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

Many philosophical and religious traditions offer a caution though-- when the self becomes the primary object of our attention, something begins to distort. Psychology also echose this in some way--we know that excessive self-focus is linked to heightened sensitivity to perceived threats/criticism, rumination, anxiety and depression. If the mind becomes trapped into the loop of "how do I feel", "What does this mean about me?", and "how am I being perceived" and this has detrimental effects---the more we obsess about ourselves, the less fulfilled we become. Our relationship with others AND our relationship wtih ourselves suffers. It becomes pigeon holed and doesn't take our whole being into account.

If you've gotten to this point, here's what I read that inspired this whole post:

𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐱 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐚 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟: 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭, 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬, 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬. 𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐚 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

Some of life's richest experiences occur when our attention moves beyond ourselves entirely: being absorbed in meaningful work, caring for another person, contributing to a community, creating something beautiful, or becoming fully present in a moment. Without trying to relativise this, some may call this: flow, transcendence, humility, self-forgetfulness.

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐃𝐎 𝐖𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐒?

Maybe the question isn't whether self-love is good or bad. Maybe the question really is more about "what kind of relationship do we REALLY have with ourselves?".

Do we care for ourselves enough to grow, take responsibility, and live according to our values?

Or have we become so preoccupied with ourselves that we are no longer fully engaged with the world around us and the way we engage with ourselves is distorted/abusive in nature?

A balanced life requires self-awareness, but it also requires the ability to step outside of ourselves. To love, create, serve, connect, and participate in something larger than our own thoughts, feelings, and desires.

May need to come back for a better video!! :) :) :)

POLL: Which camp do you fall into?

It's basically a 24/7 reality show (I am the cast, audience, and the people walking outside the theater....all about meee baaaybeee)

I forget that I exist, mostly camping out in others' orbits

I seemed to have achieved the mythical state known as "balance"

Are we talking regular me or stressed out me? If my nervous system is in overdrive, it's all about me

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Self-Love: Empowerment or Self-Absorption?