Why are you being so hard on yourself? The truth is you're only about one year old. So far you've just got started. Let me explain. Too many people think whenever they first start healing their trauma, for instance on the first day or two, they should be at level 1000 but it doesn't work like that. Remember the games we used to play, for instance. Think of Minecraft for example. Imagine if the first day you buy the game you're excited and you think you are at the level to enchant your diamond sword to get sharpness V or whatever. That requires you to be about level 30, doesn't it? You mat get frustrated and annoyed at that but, you need to mine more coal, you need to kill the mobs, all that. That will take you probably about a few days to a week to level up as much as you want, the thing is we all start at the bottom and have to work our ways up. It's the exact same in everything else. You start and shouldn't expect to be at such a high level and get such great results so fast. Obviously it takes a lot longer than Minecraft logic as well. Just understand that to achieve these things that you want it's going to take a lot longer, cause you probably only got into this stuff one year ago, which means you are only one year old. If you're starting out in the gym, for instance, yes it will be difficult and you might be annoyed that you can't lift this weight but everyone starts somewhere. This is what it's about: showing up, progressive overload, mindset of doing more each time you go to the gym, for instance, adding on 0.25 kg or so per week on the bench press. Bro, it's the same with trauma healing: doing a little bit more every week. Whenever you're starting its fine if you can barely even do the process for about 10 second’s. You just slowly level up and get it to a solid level like a few minutes, perfect! Thats how you process your unprocessed emotion. That's what it's all about, and an important lesson I learned.