Familiarity is such a safe place to be, but it can also be hindering. This past week, I've had to really truly know what it means to let go and make space. My anecdote starts here: Overcoming my addiction and really truly finding the authentic part of myself is what brought me to working in the transformation coaching space as I've had to do the work myself and I continue to today. This said and having also going through this journey alongside a close friend (who's pertinent to this story), I've had to let go not just of the drug itself, but the mindsets and habits that went with them. I took drugs out as being something that HAD to be a part of my day in some way, shape, or form to get anything done. I absolved my connections with those friends that could get their hands on said products for me until I could actually talk with them without triggerization. I had to forgive behaviors of either deceit or betrayal either from me unto others or from what others have done to me. So when said friend purposely goes back and uses with intention, but then wants me to pick up their emotional pieces yet chastises me and brings up my past mistakes as main points while I try to be as emotionally supportive as I can... It's like I'm being asked to disregard a self-made boundary... and that's been a hard-formed 'NO' over the course of my own healing journey. What makes this so terribly worse is that this friend was also on a self-healing journey alongside with me and we both used each other as accountability buddy's to get over our previous hurts and traumas. I understand that relapses will happen and I completely make space for that, but I cannot make space for my persona (as a therapist and/or life coach) being chastised because I'm not a good enough friend in his sense of being vulnerably high. Needless to say, this is rather heartbreaking for me. So much so that it has disrupted my head and heart space for me to work as diligently as I would like to. Even with the anger I have with me of knowing that he knows better but chooses not to and wanting to bring me back into old behavioral patterns, I'm also saddened with disappointment whilst my empathy level is off-charting. This has bothered me for several days and there hasn't been any communication on their end in the forms of any acknowledgement or apology even after giving time and checking in...and again, it's bothered me to a point to where I can't get my work done the way I'd like to.

For those who have had a chart done, I'm sure the accuracy was remarkable. The truth of us really is in the stars. For most it's not just validation of who and how we are, but it also often contains revelations. For me, it revealed something I had always wondered about. My chart showed that I chose to come here to help. It also showed that in my soul contract, I could not acquire any karma, no matter what. A karmic free hand if you will. That knowledge explained something I always wondered about. In my lifetime I have met a LOT of criminal elements who tried to befriend or recruit me. As a teenager, several sexual predators approached me. I have known or met 5 murderers, four of them killed multiple people. All kinds of other criminal sorts. In this struggle between darkness and light, I realized that the dark forces had steered those people towards me. Unable to acquire karma, I would have made the perfect dark operative. An open charge account of evil, with no reckoning. That was quite a revelation that answered a big "why".

When something painful happens, many of us immediately focus on the other person, the situation, the injustice, what should have happened differently. That’s human. But sometimes, the deeper shift begins when we also ask: What is happening inside me right now? What is this touching in me? What do I need in this moment? Sometimes outer events trigger inner wounds that were already waiting to be seen. When are you experiencing this in your life?