The Hardest Thing of Letting Go to Make Space

Familiarity is such a safe place to be, but it can also be hindering. This past week, I've had to really truly know what it means to let go and make space. My anecdote starts here:

Overcoming my addiction and really truly finding the authentic part of myself is what brought me to working in the transformation coaching space as I've had to do the work myself and I continue to today. This said and having also going through this journey alongside a close friend (who's pertinent to this story), I've had to let go not just of the drug itself, but the mindsets and habits that went with them. I took drugs out as being something that HAD to be a part of my day in some way, shape, or form to get anything done. I absolved my connections with those friends that could get their hands on said products for me until I could actually talk with them without triggerization. I had to forgive behaviors of either deceit or betrayal either from me unto others or from what others have done to me.

So when said friend purposely goes back and uses with intention, but then wants me to pick up their emotional pieces yet chastises me and brings up my past mistakes as main points while I try to be as emotionally supportive as I can... It's like I'm being asked to disregard a self-made boundary... and that's been a hard-formed 'NO' over the course of my own healing journey. What makes this so terribly worse is that this friend was also on a self-healing journey alongside with me and we both used each other as accountability buddy's to get over our previous hurts and traumas. I understand that relapses will happen and I completely make space for that, but I cannot make space for my persona (as a therapist and/or life coach) being chastised because I'm not a good enough friend in his sense of being vulnerably high.

Needless to say, this is rather heartbreaking for me. So much so that it has disrupted my head and heart space for me to work as diligently as I would like to. Even with the anger I have with me of knowing that he knows better but chooses not to and wanting to bring me back into old behavioral patterns, I'm also saddened with disappointment whilst my empathy level is off-charting. This has bothered me for several days and there hasn't been any communication on their end in the forms of any acknowledgement or apology even after giving time and checking in...and again, it's bothered me to a point to where I can't get my work done the way I'd like to.

This is a friendship that I have held dearly for many years. There was romance, but there was plutonia in it as well and there was just as many great times as well as rough and distant times in both forms of our relationship...which is why this emotional space is so heavy for me. There have been a great deal of transitioning going on in both of our lives in regards to moving away from each other and finding places to go on our own and we have said that we would help each other out as needed, but I don't know if I have the capability for this level of need and help.

I keep replaying something in my head of a message I received from another friend some months ago about she thought I had made Street Therapy for "people like them" (active addiction)...in which I did, but I also make a point that the people that I help are those that want MY help to transform from addiction and not enable it. When this comes to the friend in question, they were there throughout my transformation through addiction as I was there for theirs...so with what transpired in our last conversation, it felt like intentional disregard of the lessons learned and spiritual principles of getting over addiction and living a better vibrational life...and that really hurts.

So I want to bring this back to why I titled this passage what I did because this is an instance in which it is just that...the hardest thing of letting go to make space. After sitting with this, I feel like I have to let go of so much to move forward...but I don't... I just have to let go enough to make space for me and whatever it is I need to make it through the days of my own life. In Street Therapy, my purpose is rather simple: help people navigate the streets of their lives. Sure, we have to walk along the same roads as others...that's what makes our journeys worthwhile...but there may be that time when the streets we are traveling together are going to have to split and just like I alone have to navigate my own streets, they're going to have to navigate their own as well. Likewise, you will need the proper space to be able to navigate your streets to the best of your abilities. I would like to say that I grant that space for those that need it because I would like to have it done for me... even if that means letting go.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading and letting me release! 💚💚💚

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