Being the rebound guy/girl · High Vibe Tribe

May '24 (edited) • Ask for Advice

Being the rebound guy/girl

Hi everyone. Have you ever been the rebound guy/girl? Did your then partner go back to his/her ex? How did you cope and what happened then? What areas of your spirituality needed improvement to overcome this situation? This will be a very long post, you can stop reading here and only answer these questions if you want!

Here's a little bit of my story. I (29 yo) met this girl, let's call her E (25 yo), 8 months ago. We were both recently single. My break-up with my ex of 7 years happened after a year and a half of reflexion and hard work to overcome the issues we were facing (to keep it short, it was a very healthy breakup and we are still best friends since then). E, on the other hand, had just been left by her ex partner of 4 years with whom she had a long distance relationship, without a lot of explanation. He said he had to focus on his PhD and couldn't with her around.

We immediately got close together, and agreed that our relationship should just stay something non serious, without attachment. The thing is it was more than just s*x and after 3 months, when her ex got back to her "just to talk" and she realised she was still in love with him, she decided we should stop seeing each other and we both realised we got attached. A week after that, she came back to me after realising her ex wasn't sure about their relationship and his love for her. Back then, I wasn't too attached and could understand that she needed disclosure to move on, and thought that was what she got. I told her that I could totally understand that she was still in love, but would not accept her if she wasn't willing to move on and if our relationship wasn't going to be serious. She agreed and told me she had strong feelings for me.

4 months have passed, and she started to pull away, saying she feels guilty for still thinking about her ex, and she was lost with her feelings towards me. We agreed on giving time to each other and to part for 2-3 weeks. I spent these weeks doing active work on detachment and letting go. I was feeling better and decided not to engage with her and just spend time with her without expecting any commitment. The thing is, during this time, she sent a letter to her ex telling him to either give her disclosure or get back with her. I told her that she put herself in a difficult situation of expecting his answer and to think about what she would do according to his potential answer. She tried, but told me after 2 weeks that she wasn't sure if she would find the strength to say no if he apologetically gets back to her. I said to her that I got it, and that I would start detaching.

A week later, she comes back to me saying she realised she misses me and told me she wants to spend more time with me and work on our relationship cause she wanted to move on. I had the weakness of saying ok and we spent a beautiful week seeing each other and being like a couple, even starting to project things like weekends and nights together in the next few months (which she never ever did before.

Guess what? Yes, her ex came back. He sent her a text last Monday, on the same day she herd she had the job she was seeking. We were supposed to see each other that night but cancelled cause she was tired. She then told me she's having a drink with friends to celebrate. She would normally invite me to celebrate with them (as they're also my friends). That's when I asked her why she wouldn't invite me to celebrate that she told me about her ex. I asked her to come at my place to explain, but she still went to the bar with her friends and came at my place after. We decided to break up for good this time. She still wasn't sure about her ex intentions but I could feel (it was heartbreaking) that she was happy he came back. He told her that he wouldn't be in the country till June, that he worked on himself and realised he could not replace her (ewww) and she thought it was a good thing he realised that (I think that's very naïve of her, all I can hear is "I failed at finding someone and now I think of you again").

I wished her the best with him, and told her I'd be happy to hear from her only when her heart is free from her past (idk why, my stupid brain still wants her back...).

It's been a week now and I feel very anxious when I think about her or see her (we're students in the same campus).

I was wondering for those who had the same kind of story, what did you work on to move on? I am currently focusing on letting go of attachment, and healing my inner child. It was my very first toxic relationship (I only had secure attachments till now) and can't really explain how I ended up being almost obsessed with this girl who never really reciprocated my feelings. I think that's mainly my ego, that I maybe was unconsciously trying to prove myself that I was worthy, better than this guy. Maybe the pain I'm feeling now is a deep ego wound? What do you think ?

It's a long story, thanks a lot for those who read. I really curious to hear about your stories as well and would be more than happy to chat with you about them too.

23 comments

Being the rebound guy/girl