Dec '25 • General discussion
Could you also be avoiding yourself?
As I've been doing work on myself (and working with others) I've noticed avoidance isn’t just about avoiding other people.
It’s also about avoiding parts of ourselves.
Avoiding the feeling that comes up when we slow down.
Avoiding the grief we never had space to feel.
Avoiding the anger that feels unsafe to express.
Avoiding our own needs because needing once felt like a liability.
For many of us with avoidant or fearful-avoidant attachment, pulling away didn’t start as a flaw—it started as protection.
If no one helped you regulate big emotions…
If closeness came with criticism, unpredictability, or loss…
Your nervous system learned: distance equals safety.
So we stay busy.
We intellectualize.
We distract.
We disconnect—not just from others, but from ourselves.
Healing isn’t about forcing vulnerability or pushing yourself into connection before you’re ready.
It’s about gently turning toward what you’ve been avoiding inside—with curiosity instead of judgment.
Because the goal isn’t to stop being avoidant.
The goal is to feel safe enough not to disappear from yourself.
You’re not broken.
Your system adapted.
And it can learn a new way—at your pace.
Have you noticed any self avoidance?
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Could you also be avoiding yourself?
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