What are you listening to right now? What are you doing while listening? Cream- “Sunshine of Your Love” Yard work!!

Every morning I wake up with it. This dread sitting in my head before my eyes are even open. So this morning I asked myself who in me is feeling this? And I found him. A boy. 14, maybe 15. Hiding in a corner. Shaking. Wouldn’t even look at me. And I understood why. He watched his family go from abundance to nothing. The house, the traveling, the freedom gone. His father contracted into lack and never came back out. He asked for art supplies for school and was told no. He was asked to drop his education. He was last. His father died and his last words were hold on to your money. A dying father trying to protect his son. But what that boy received in that moment was the wound dressed up as wisdom. And he carried it. Honored it. Let it pull him out of abundance and into lack at the most vulnerable moment of his life. Then his sister took her life in 2008. His wife left in 2019 because he was a shell of a man. He built all of it in his body and kept walking. This morning I went to that corner. I didn’t demand he come to me. I went to him. I said I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. I should have kept you safe. He put his hand on my head. And then he let me hold him. And I took him to the beach and we played in the water and the tears came so hard and so fast and so deep from somewhere I don’t even have words for. Deep wood. Deep wound. I don’t want to live from the pain anymore. I refuse it. I am cracked wide open right now and I can’t stop crying and it is the most beautiful thing I have felt in a long time. Because I accepted. Not performed acceptance. Not visualized it. Accepted. If this moved something in you drop a 🙏 You are not alone.