Emotional time with daughter after her wedding

I am just returning from Switzerland/Germany from my daughter’s wedding/celebration/family visitation, and it was emotional and overwhelming.. But I’ve decided to stop allowing her to punish me with hateful cold criticism. However if I could have had even an inch of foresight in the past, I would have SEEN but NEVER allowed her father to take her out of my life and brainwash her against me. I did some research therapy on AI and realized that she is testing me to see if her mommy will ‘abandon her again’ because I’m the one she loves the most and feels safest with. And this is so hard to deal with for me. But I have to let it go. I did my best and all I can do is pray and not try to crowd or fix her emotions nor push control of any outcomes, thoughts, or decisions. I wonder what will happen when if when she has children and I can’t be around to handle the disgust and hatred that I feel from her. It makes me angry that I had to spend time with her father and his wife and sister in my son in law’s parents’ house for 3 days, while I had to be nice and watch his and her shallow personalities and immaturity in front of everyone. It was a highly moraled, high standard, well to do family that I had to mask myself and put on my happy face for days for despite my anguish over the feeling of disgust and hatred that I received from my daughter. And much of it happened in front of everyone. I felt totally alone and rejected. I feel so much pain and guilt over the childhood trauma that i and her father caused her, yet I have to choose to have a strong boundary with her now. I’m not going to be put in a situation like this again ever, and I have to heal and pray for her healing. That’s all.

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