Text my Ex #11
Boundary Focus: I don’t accept blame for things outside of my control.
When co-parenting with a high-conflict ex, it’s common to be blamed for things you didn’t cause. Trauma can make this feel automatic, but it isn’t your truth. Using trauma-informed communication helps you protect your energy, model regulation, and stay child-focused.
Here are 6 different approaches you can use depending on the situation:
1️⃣ Calm + Neutral
Use this when you want to respond but keep the tone neutral.
“I understand your concern. I want to focus on what I can responsibly address regarding our child. I’m not accepting blame for things outside of my control.”
2️⃣ Firm + Protective
Use this when you need to set a clear line.
“I’m only responding to matters that are within my responsibility. I will not engage in conversations assigning me blame for things I cannot control.”
3️⃣ Gentle + Disengaging
Use this when you want to acknowledge the message but not escalate.
“I hear your message, but I am not responsible for this situation. Please let’s keep our focus on [child’s name] and what we can do together for them.”
4️⃣ Redirect to Child-Focused
Use this when they try to make it personal rather than parenting-focused.
“I’m happy to discuss [child’s name]’s schedule or needs, but I won’t engage in conversations blaming me for adult matters.”
5️⃣ Pause + Self-Regulation
Use this when you need to take time before responding.
“I need to pause and review this before responding. I’ll get back to you about matters I can responsibly address.”
6️⃣ Court-Safe / Fact-Based
Use this when you want to maintain a record or anticipate escalation.
“For clarity: I am only responsible for decisions and actions within my parenting time and court orders. I will not engage in discussions assigning me blame for events outside my control.”
💡 Tip:
When crafting your text:
- Pause and notice your feelings.
- Stay neutral or factual.
- Keep the focus on what’s yours to address (usually child-related).
- Avoid JADEing (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) — it fuels conflict.
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Text my Ex #11
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