Hello everyone, I want to share my character development journey, maybe it could help someone

(It has a happyending, trust me)

Let's start:

Just a heads up, i live in a village not far from the city where i was the only child there, so i was pretty alone. I was a quiet and sensible child.

It all started in my first years of school, when bullying was still a thing and nobody was doing anything about it. So I had to stand for myself and beat my bullies. This started to create a "deep hate and rage" inside of me. Since then I started to train and to get better at fighting and looking *tuff*. However this had a very bad influence on my social life, I started to like solitude and being alone but in the same time I wanted to be seen and have friends. In grade 7 I made one of my biggest regrets, I chose i girl for looks and rejected another girls who really liked me and I made her suffer in many ways.

Then high-school started, where in the first year I really wanted to show off how "tuff" I am and how nobody should mess with me. I started smoking, made fun of people, partying and hang out with people who do dr*gs. I also started to like drinking a lot and trying to avoid reality.

I thought this would make me friends and respect but it was the opposite. I always had that pain inside and I was feeling lonely. Then in grade 10 i decided it was the time for a change. I started to be more social and good with people, and this helped but I was still feeling lonely and had that pain inside. I thought a relationship would help but it didn't, I had to change myself more. So that's what happend between grade 10-12. Now I can say that I have some true friends, some people I can call and hand out and have a talk. I also started to enjoy nature more, a thing that I liked since being a child but never gave it purpose. Sometimes I still feel lonely and that sharp pain inside but I am trying to be better and give myself purpose. I can say that God helped me a lot, although I am not going to church every Sunday and i dont know all the prayers, I truly believe in Christ and it helped me a lot.

So a quick summary for what helped me and could help you too: be kind and positive, overthink as little as possible, make friends that have same goals as you, give purpose to your life and the things you want to do, find inner peace, try to understand God's teachings and love, do new things that appear scary, limit your time on your phone, explore your surroundings, listen to music that calms you and makes you feel good, understand the people around you and forgive others. I think that's all. If I go in detail, there are more things that show why I did things the way I did, but that's the past and it doesn't matter anymore. I almost forgot, if you want to watch some movies/series that can help you, watch: Vinland Saga, Bojack Horseman, Fight Club, Interstellar and Friday.

I also attached my favourite places, where I go and chill.

Thank you all for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful week. ✌️ ❤️

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