Good evening, citizens of the Rainbow Jetskis and Frogling Marching bands, I am your entertainment corrospondent, Issy Lemurs, with a quick top story update. The renowned 800 year old Bard Tom Bones has accidentally turned himself into a badger after eating a talking potato from Mrs. Eggman's garden. Eyewitnesses we spoke to have told us "It's not unusual" for Mr. Bones to experience misfortunes such as these and that, once Mrs. Eggman and her husband, Mr. Walrus, return from their holiday to the Strawberry Fields, the curse will be removed and he'll be returned to "the green, green grass of home."
Until then, it looks like Tom is SETT to stay the night with fellow Bard and Astoria's Got Talent Judge, Ankleborg Humplefink, at his lavish golden fortress high up on the Von Doom Mountains, which is protected by a strike team of fourteen witches and a forcefield made up entirely of bulldog bats.
That's the news for now, dumplings of the Five Biffle Quackers, you're up to date. Good night...or, if you've taken an Osprey to Opposite Land on the Twelftieth of Flanuary, a very good morning. Please don't eat all the crumpets, otherwise my baby Dragonkin will incinerate you.