I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself during this journey. When New Year’s came, I did some real inventory. Not the usual stuff like losing weight or quitting smoking. Those are all great things to do for yourself. But for me, this year is about mental change. How I handle my depression. How I handle my anxiety. How I ease my panic attacks. I had to become open, willing, and honest with myself. Then I had to do the work. What kind of work? The work of change. Changing my thought process. Finding acceptance for things that were tearing at my soul. Finding the sources of that pain and trying to put them to rest. There were a lot of tears. There were a lot of trips to the hospital. But in the end, it has been worth it. I won’t lie—healing hurts. Truth can hurt. But it can also cure. This last month has been a ride. And I can happily report that one inch a day of change brings you a yard down the road. Right now, I’m doing a couple inches at a time. And that’s perfect for me. If I keep showing up and keep my faith, in a few months. I’ll be miles down the road from my old self. Stay strong. Stay focused. And stay in the fight. For me, it’s been worth all the pain and tears so far. 💚👽💯

Healing is hard. New ways of living are hard. New philosophies in practice. Same old body responses. Mind tricks. I am well, but I am not. I am hopeful, yet scared and unsure. I have seen progress, even though my storm still brews. Every day I feel hope as my mind slowly catches up. Stay strong. Fight the fight. I’m told this gets better. That it’s worth it. In time. 💚💪

Today I noticed something strange. I felt calm. But I also felt tight. Not anxious. Not panicking. Just… wound up inside for no clear reason. And then it hit me. This is what it feels like when your nervous system is learning a new default. For a long time, my body lived on alert. Noise. Stress. Chaos. Reacting. Fixing. Bracing. That felt normal. Now things are quieter. And my body doesn’t quite trust that yet. So it keeps a little tension… “just in case.” It’s not danger. It’s leftover readiness. And I’m slowly teaching it. “We don’t need that anymore.” This part of healing isn’t talked about much. You don’t suddenly feel amazing. You feel… weird . And weird is progress. Sometimes the sign you’re getting better is not feeling bad, but not knowing what to do with feeling okay. Stay strong. I know I am. 💪💚💯

If every body is right. Then who is in the wrong ? 🤔🙃💚

Lately I’ve been learning something strange. I’m learning what different heart rates feel like. 60 feels one way. 80 feels another. 110 feels another. Not in a panic way. In a curiosity way. I’m rebuilding trust with my own body. For years I didn’t listen to it. Now I’m mapping it. I’m realizing most of what scared me wasn’t danger — it was surprise. My expectations were wrong, not my body. That’s a powerful thing to realize. I’m not trying to control my body anymore. I’m trying to understand it. And understanding brings calm. 💚