It's been a mentally bewildering year as I've made strides in trying to focus on my own happiness and integrity, and making efforts to shoo away self-inappropriate Girardian desires (goals that come from social environment) and "Spooks" (Max Stirner's name for grand moral cosmologies that try to regulate human behavior) Most importantly, and a priority is a career pivot, efforts towards greater autonomy through greater pursuit of commercial activities - consulting, software, artisinal IoT device manufacturing, rather than being reliant on academia. This is really the only thing that's perfectly clean and coherent, with my neurology, practical economic forecasts, and philosophical convictions all lining up and pointing towards very real concrete priorities in action decision space. Moving outside of that, that is beyond career (and finances and health)...things get murky. Sex becomes one of the points of "OK it's clearly not a priority, but should it be a thing at all?" and what gets confusing is navigating values together with hard biological realities. I've had a very extensive sex life, 150 partners in all, with two particularly active stints, in my early-to-mid 20s partying a lot and practicing lots of PUA, and in my early 30s hitting the apps while being an amateur sex guru, teaching women about their bodies' capacity as well as esoteric erotic higher states of consciousness through erotic dominance and tantra. I've had a few LTRs as well and I'm glad to have experienced them but don't really feel any desire for such things again, and they're not philosophically/values aligned. Moments in my sex life were impulsive when I was doing that, and also a grind. I had a flatmate who was able to sleep with a new young model every week, while my approach-to-lay ratios were absolutely abysmal. Moreover the data from all of my attempts unequivocally showed that in the rankings of sexual hierarchy, I am a 6 out of 10. Considering the thought exercise of "if I could do anything, i.e., if I was a genuinely hot guy, how would sex enter my life, purely as values?" and in that case the answer is simple, even if emotionally challenging. Mode One - seducing women with "up front, straightforward and honest" is remarkably clean, Alan Roger Currie does not make any sacrifices in approaching women - no apps, no nightclubs, no spending money on dates, just if he sees one who tickles his pickle he is honest and proceeds with seduction and if it happens cool if not there is no real loss in time or money, the only loss is psychological. Then under the scenario that I was a "hot guy" I would just pursue things this way, with occasionally having lovers, and leaning into the shamanic aspects towards deep erotic connection. And I have terrible rejection sensitivity with over-rumination after rejection, so if I'm going to go more entrepreneur in my career, that shit needs to improve, and Mode One is a training ground.

Wanted to share something that made me quite proud that happened just recently. I was at the gym, mostly working on back, and then I went to a rack to set up for some barbell Yates rows. Then a woman came up to me and said that I can't work out here because it's reserved for classes. I asked if the gym is closed, then I should have been notified at the entrance. She decided to piss down my back while telling me it's raining (note to self: use this colorful phrase next time) saying that the gym is not closed, just that area. Of course anyone who goes to the gym knows that unavailable squat racks is logically equivalent to a gym being closed She said I can ask the front desk and I went ahead and did that. A couple more iterations of me repeating the obvious point that I deserve a refund for my visit today, and the formulaic pushback from the mouth of the front desk, and finally the front desk lady gave in and gave me my refund. Then I finished the rest of my workout that didn't need the rack and went on with my day. Perhaps 5 years ago I would've just kept my head down, slumped, defeated, perhaps 2 years ago I would do something morally justified but practically useless like calling the first woman a cunt many times in succession. And today I did the best action. Get high on your own supply, of integrity, gentlemen

Having looked at the new course.....whats next...I am somewhat overwhelmed. I've spent years in 12 step groups, doing personal growth and development workshops, and I have struggledto get results. Looking at this (it is based on Maslows hierarchy aye?), I see many of my basic needs are barely attended to and I have little ideas nor skills in terms of making money, planning how to look after myself, how to have a home, etc. A bit depressing, but a walke up call. In my study, reading, my groups I am mostly looking at higher needs , community, self esteem, creativity, etc, but I've never built a solid foundation. ...well, 2026 is fast approaching. I will , all going to plan, be 60 next year...I have survived, now I have to look back to basics to hopefully finally thrive.

In pondering and considering my goals across the 5 categories Dan presented, I found that some are more refined and crisp than others. In particular I have a career pivot in mind, away from reliance on the institutions of academia and doing more market-facing scientific activity, with a fairly comprehensive and compelling plan that aligns the economics of long term survival and wealth together with the Mission in a fairly synergistic way. I also feel like the health component is cut and dry too - I know exactly what habits to add and subtract, those that would be both sustainable However: the details of the how for health and finance is something I'm researched fairly well, with a comprehensive structure, but mental blocks in implementation is the primary risk in getting it through. And while I'm working through DBT techniques to rein in dysfunctional automatic behaviors, it seems a much more hazy and uncertain process, while the financial success depends on this. With the social component I am at a complete loss as to what to even want and pursue. I am aware of some hard limitations, autism limits the capacity for making social connections with anyone who would be high status in any milieu. Dating wise I can't think of anything I have experienced that I want to experience again. I can think of things I don't want to experience, things that would be fairly fun but take lots of effort, and otherwise am leaning towards celibacy for the near term. General social circle wise for leisure, it's hard to think of what kind of community or vibes I want to find. As far as my hobby of music there's no particular new tribe, e.g. jazz or classical, that would be a change of pace that seems appealing. But if I try to imagine a vision for an ideal social life, it comes up completely blank - I can't think of anything all that sharp or appealing. I am inclined to think the best way to go about this is to simply punt the social aspect - focus on the career and then once I have successfully pivoted, maybe in 5 years, revisit and make some decisions regarding my social life?

This is the biggest confidence-related insight I had in 2025, and I want to share it with you guys. This is a fucking game changer: A powerfully practical way to think about being confident is to explore what it means to be “non-defensive”. I was inspired to think about this when a comedian - who does not on first impression appear to be conventionally attractive - was described as highly enticing by thousands of female followers. When asked why they liked him, the answer kept coming through: He never gets defensive. WHAT IS DEFENSIVENESS? This is a key question you must explore, especially when it comes to making confidence-building a practical journey. Defensiveness is a package of feelings and thoughts (narratives) that lead to reactionary behaviour. The theme of this package is protecting yourself from a perceived threat. It’s all about control. To defend yourself is to try to influence factors outside yourself; manipulating the outside world (usually this means controlling other people’s opinions) to protect yourself from apparent danger. It starts as feelings that are uncomfortable to bear - fear and anxiety, anger and outrage, confusion, offense, disgust, embarrassment, and awkwardness. These feelings immediately trigger off narratives that transform physical sensations into a story about being threatened, e.g. “He’s trying to hurt me” or “If I don’t say something, everyone will think I’m stupid” or “If she says no, I’ll be rejected, and that means I’m a bad person”. These narratives compel us into behaviours designed to reduce the threat: pleasing and placating; avoidance, hiding and running away; aggressiveness (counter attack); distraction and deception; begging/pleading/apologizing. And sometimes it doesn’t appear obvious to anyone else, like quietly dying of embarrassment without saying a word A confident person is rarely defensive because he sees the truth: there are very few real threats. An unconfident person, on the other hand, sees threats everywhere, and is in a near-constant fight or flight response, i.e. they’re often defensive.