Something confusing happened to me tonight. It all started with me not really wanting to go to my cousins' place tonight, but in the last 5 minutes before they came, I somehow decided otherwise. I ended up having a really good time, connecting with family members who I secretly think don't like me, but it was fun and I enjoyed myself. I don't like alcohol in general, but tonight I decided why not and I bought myself a bottle of martini Asti. Also, my family is Polish and we live in Poland. Last time I saw them was in August at Grandma's birthday, but tonight was the first time that the whole younger generation met without the older ones. And I know they all like to drink a lot. With some % in my body we started talking more freely, and I did an egg cleansing thingy that I learned from a shaman in Chiapas on my cousin's wife. I was interpreting the egg without thinking, just saying words. And she just kept nodding, it's all true, and all that I was saying was exactly the things that were bothering her in her life. We finished, and went back to join the rest. And, to be honest, as I'm writing this, this is the first time I thought about it since. It was at around 22:00 my time. I totally forgot that I did that. At around midnight my poor cousin finally gathered all of us to get us home. My sister went to sleep in the upstairs flat, and I stayed downstairs. I enjoyed a little green smoking magic and I wrote to my fwb "i have dirty thoughts about you...", and then immediately without thinking I opened my notes app and started writing. I was in an amock, writing and feeling every word of it. Then I was dumb scrolling for a while updating myself on the latest news in US (a topic unhingedly uneasy for me, but I have a feeling that something big is gonna happen). And then... Like a month ago I put up a big piece of brown paper in my hallway, cause I decided to make my genealogical tree. I did up to 5 generations on my dad's side and just 3 on my mom's before I lost interest in it.

Food for thought and approach. There’s literally no line you should follow except your own. That doesn’t mean that you can’t - sometimes some of our lines are similar to others, so you can! But you don’t have to! Most importantly you shouldn’t base your decision and direction based on the lines created outside of you.