4d • General discussion
Confused?!
Something confusing happened to me tonight.
It all started with me not really wanting to go to my cousins' place tonight, but in the last 5 minutes before they came, I somehow decided otherwise.
I ended up having a really good time, connecting with family members who I secretly think don't like me, but it was fun and I enjoyed myself.
I don't like alcohol in general, but tonight I decided why not and I bought myself a bottle of martini Asti. Also, my family is Polish and we live in Poland. Last time I saw them was in August at Grandma's birthday, but tonight was the first time that the whole younger generation met without the older ones. And I know they all like to drink a lot.
With some % in my body we started talking more freely, and I did an egg cleansing thingy that I learned from a shaman in Chiapas on my cousin's wife. I was interpreting the egg without thinking, just saying words. And she just kept nodding, it's all true, and all that I was saying was exactly the things that were bothering her in her life. We finished, and went back to join the rest.
And, to be honest, as I'm writing this, this is the first time I thought about it since. It was at around 22:00 my time. I totally forgot that I did that.
At around midnight my poor cousin finally gathered all of us to get us home. My sister went to sleep in the upstairs flat, and I stayed downstairs. I enjoyed a little green smoking magic and I wrote to my fwb "i have dirty thoughts about you...", and then immediately without thinking I opened my notes app and started writing. I was in an amock, writing and feeling every word of it.
Then I was dumb scrolling for a while updating myself on the latest news in US (a topic unhingedly uneasy for me, but I have a feeling that something big is gonna happen).
And then...
Like a month ago I put up a big piece of brown paper in my hallway, cause I decided to make my genealogical tree. I did up to 5 generations on my dad's side and just 3 on my mom's before I lost interest in it.
Tonight, at around 4 am, I got up from the bed and went to that brown paper. Except I didn't continue with the genealogy. I divided my board in five pieces, each being a month from this February till June. And I made a plan of how to move from Poland to Portugal with my animals. Like a realistic plan. Not my dreams and desires like always. Practicality. What documents to prepare, update vaccinations and passports. Deal with address changes of my Norwegian company. Like - it was not me writing it! I'm pure chaos!!!!
Afterwards, my crazy artistic side decided to kick the practical one, so the real me, and i added shit loads of stickers, wrote some things (do you believe in Magic?; i want to be free; be water, my friend), painted the third Eye.
And then i sat down to look at it, and I realised something. When I moved here in my family house back in November, I found some pictures of my deceased ancestors, and I thought it would be nice to have them present on my shelf in my room.
And whose pictures are they?
On my mother side: her deceased father - my grandpa.
On my father side: both his parents, and the parents of my grandma, who build the house I'm living in currently!!!
The people who made it to the genealogical tree on the brown paper!!! The ones on my plan to move to Portugal!!
Total honesty - I have been thinking about moving to Portugal for some years now, but never made a proper plan, never really got into it. Definitely never looked what kind of documents I'll need!! I moved countries several times and I NEVER thought of this!! Maybe cause now I'm 33?
And then I made a little video of it, talking about it in the background, thinking about sharing it on my private IG where I only have my friends, but at the end of the video someone knocks. I immediately open to see if it's my sister. I thought I heard her upstairs before - upstairs where our great grandmother lived till her death in 2015 (we lived downstairs till 2004).
And behind the door there's nothing. I of course get scared by the pole thing to hold coats cause I recently placed it there and I'm still not used to it being there. I close the door, cause I'm not going to go out there. I sent my sister a message if it was her but no response.
And immediately a distorted message shows in my mind, something I've read / heard before: "don't share it until it happens", or something like this. I thought of the video, the knocking, and now I have chills.
And I'm confused?!
Hi!
I forgot to actually say that. In the beginning. So...
Hi! I'm Serelitha, I'm 33, I teach languages online. Weird things have been happening to me lately and I didn't really know where to go with this. So yeah... Any thoughts?
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Confused?!
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