Today would have been Terry’s 51st. I still don’t fully know how to process this day. Because part of me resists calling it a birthday… she didn’t get another year. She didn’t get more time. And yet ignoring it feels just as wrong. This is the part of grief people don’t talk about— how we end up living between dates. The day they were born. The day they died. Both major in completely different ways. And when someone dies the way Terry did, it adds another layer of confusion. So I use today the only way that feels honest for me now— to tell the truth. She didn’t leave because she didn’t love. She didn’t leave because she didn’t care. And she didn’t leave because she “chose” to in the way people think. Her mind was unwell. She suffered an illness of the kind. And that’s how she died. And when the mind is unwell, it can become incredibly convincing. It can narrow everything down to pain… and make escape feel like the only option. That’s not a character flaw. It’s suffering. So no, I’m not celebrating in the traditional sense today. But I am honoring her— by speaking about this in a way that removes blame and replaces it with understanding. If you’ve ever felt that same tension on days like this… you’re not the only one trying to make sense of it. That’s Terry and I in the video below. 24 more hours to take advantage of Terry Birthday Giveaway and become a Globally Certified Grief Educator for $51. Link here - we NEED people like YOU http://mastergrief.com/terrybirthday

It’s been a rough week for me. I have even disconnected from my reality because the pain is unbearable. I have utilized all the coping skills I can possibly think of but my heart still hurts. Knowing that on 4/13 it will be 9 months since my son passed makes me so sad. How can we find the motivation to continue life without hurting so much.