Whenever you make an assumption, you are asking for problems. If you don't understand, then ask, don't make assumptions. (The Third Agreement). I read this when I was 17. It was around this time that I also discovered Murphy’s Law: Everything that could go wrong, will go wrong. At the time, I was a waiter, and being new to the job I’d always forget to ask things like “chips or fries?”, or “did you want gravy with that?”, or what size wine they wanted. For a couple of my first orders I made assumptions ‘oh they’ll just have a medium glass,’ I’d say, too scared to go back over to the table out of fear of bothering them or appearing stupid, but without fail, every single time it bit me in the backside. They’d always complain “I wanted chips not fries.” Or “I thought it came with gravy.” Or “no I wanted the pub classics smothered chicken, not the original smothered chicken.” The assumptions I made would always go wrong, and so when I read the third agreement: Don’t make assumptions; I implemented it immediately and not only my job, but my life became easier too. We need to have the courage to ask questions until we’re as clear as we can be, and even then, we can’t assume we know all there is to know about a given situation. When we are afraid to ask for clarification, we end up making assumptions, and these assumptions cause suffering because we always implement our biases on any given circumstances. We assume that people will judge us, victimise us, abuse us and blame us so before we give someone an opportunity to do this to us, we reject ourselves. When we make assumptions we make the agreement that we are not safe to ask questions. The day you stop making assumptions we begin to communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison. When we make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking we take it personally, and then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison into the world. In my past relationships I’d frequently make assumptions: A slow reply meant there was a problem, a “ily” instead of an “I love you” meant there was a problem. I’d also assume she knew what I was thinking, feeling and doing at any given time. If someone she told me something, I made assumptions, and if she didn’t tell me something, I made assumptions to fulfil my need to know and replace the need to communicate. It is always better to gain more facts about a circumstance, or perhaps we need to stop lying to ourselves about what we truly want.

"Change only occurs when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of making the change." I have always taken this aphorism to be an objective truth for the last year and a half of my life. However, what it perhaps doesn't consider is whether change is actually necessary, nor which changes are appropriate. See, you can feel as though you're suffering or stagnant because society demands one thing of you, but your belief system is to the contrary. I was having a conversation with one of my close friends over the weekend we were talking about life and relationships. My friend told me that I just have to put myself out there more because, in his estimation, I already have the appropriate capabilities to settle down with my life-long partner. Being 22 years old I find this very difficult to believe and hard to take literally and not as some form of flattery or compliment. When I told him I felt as though I needed to make some fundamental changes to my character before I could be ready such as being more assertive and less "wet" he told me that this was nonsense and that when it comes to relationships these sort of personality changes are unnecessary and potentially even damaging. This conversation made me think. Perhaps sometimes you've gone through enough progression that change is no longer needed. Perhaps what is required is to remain true to your character and to exercise patience. One advantage of being true to your own vision and conscience is that you won't get what you don't want. "I didn't want to work somewhere where they didn't want ME. I wanted to go and work somewhere where they wanted ME. So my strategy is, this is who I am, and if you don't want me that's a drag because I'm looking for a job, but at the same time I'm not going to pretend to be someone other than who I am so that I can work here. What a stupid way to start your career (Peterson on Modern Wisdom). We can substitute relationship in: I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want ME. So my strategy is, this is who I am, and if you don’t want me that’s a drag because I’m looking for a partner, but at the same time I’m not going to pretend to be someone other than who I am so that I can be with you, what a stupid way to start your relationship.

Ennui: A feeling. Dissatisfaction or listlessness caused by a lack of occupation or excitement. I learned this word whilst reading The Notes From The Underground by Dostoyevsky. It is a feeling I am all too familiar with, and one that I am sure is not unique to me. I did not know the feeling could be summarised in a word. The feeling of Ennui is like a tiredness with life, it occurs when we're burned out, when we've been trying and trying day in day out, over and over and yet nothing seems to have come from it. The chances are, if you're anything like me, if you sacrifice your time, energy and effort to pursue something "more" then you too have felt this. More extreme forms of ennui, or perhaps natural extensions of it could be characterised as a sort of suicidal ideation: The feeling of "it would be ok if I didn't wake up tomorrow", or perhaps even wishing for that. In Dostoyevsky's work the protagonist turns to nihilism. He does not care for other people, he views his work as above everybody else's, he is superior in every way because he can see the world for how it really is. He is bitter and resentful and entirely unpleasant to be around, doomed to make poor decision after poor decision fighting against any helping hand or act of kindness. If we are not careful, it's not inconceivable that we let ennui degenerate into this sort of outlook and lifestyle ourselves. Ennui, I would argue is natural. However I would presume it is much more prevalent in the modern day than ever before. I removed myself from social media for a year, and upon my return after 1 month I found myself much more susceptible to this feeling. "Comparison is the thief of joy" so the saying goes; it is also the catalyst of dissatisfaction, loss of excitement and utter listlessness. Content of far more successful people foisted upon us each and everyday can easily create the uneasy feeling. The good news is, this is just a feeling and not a chronic disorder. To remedy yourself of this feeling, I borrow the 8-dimensions of success from Peterson: "You need an intimate partner, you need a family, you need some friends, you need a job or a career, you need to use your time outside of work productively and meaningfully, and treat yourself appropriately mentally and physically so you can maintain your health, you need to engage with the broader social community, continually educate yourself and develop your skills."