G’new years guys. Morten from Norway here. Thanks for all postings. For me, it gives the important feeling of not being alone. I’ve spent the last month redecorating my wife’s rental flat, spent probably 2 k on it. And all this time she’s been complaining and never said a word of “thanks”🤷🏼. This is her project and my spare time/ money. Thia will never benefit me. This constant feeling of never being good enough and this constant pursuit of her happiness or approval is not new on fortunately. Stuck in the same pattern for almost 20 years. The worst coward or nice guy you’ll ever meet. That’s me.

Happy new years to all of you! To help you plan and prepare for 2026 to ensure it's better than any year you had before, I'm giving away free copies of my book The Legendary Life, which takes you through the entire step by step process for planning your life, including how to motivate yourself, write goals, and remove barriers. The first 10 people to comment "Legendary" get a copy! Cheers Dan

I wish I found this (and that it existed) 25 years ago when I was dating and I had no clue what I was doing. When I was actively looking for girls, I was terrible at it. Couldn't work up the courage to ask someone out, and couldn't follow through on opportunities as they came. Several girls came and went that I could have gotten somewhere with but blue it. Froze up. Mental ED before I could get myself somewhere physically. Its a wonder I ever made it to first base with my wife. Now after 25 years we are in a bad state. It probably is not salvagable. But I am not going into this thinking it can be saved, because regardless I have to fix these issues with myself. Pretty much everything she has complained about is succinctly covered in Nice Guy Syndrome. Other things that I do are described by autistic traits, that I never knew about until recently, like masking, and other things. And so we've been on this rollercoaster of, I can be "good" for a short time, weeks or months, but then I fall off. And shes understandably tired of that and can't do it. What I am finding though is that it seems like those up times are the times when I am trying so hard to be a good husband, good father, etc and be attentive to all their needs etc but it takes so much effort that I cannot maintain it. So, during those times, am I just being fake? covertly manipulative to keep everyone happy? Wearing a mask and hiding all my traits that I dont think anybody will like (the nerdy, autistic side of me)? Is it the case that maybe she actually only ever liked the fake me and not the real me? I know I have these nice guy bad habbits, thats not up for debate, and I need to fix that. But it seems like whenever I try to implement that, it just makes things worse. Also, in additon to the psychological issues that lead to ED I beleive I've had a physical ED issue probably all this time as well. I was recently tested for low T and I am borderline for clinical treatment (but just above what insurance would have covered). I think I have probably been low or up and down for my whole adult life, which has lead to situations where I can't perform. She thinks I was intentionally witholding sex but I dont think I have.

Most guys care what people think of them. A LOT. They outsource their self-worth to the real and imagined judgments of others. A vague look, a sharp tone, an eye-roll, a slow reply, a bit of criticism… and suddenly you’re doing mental gymnastics trying to “fix” how you’re perceived. Of all the Nice Guy Syndrome problems I've had, this is one of the few that I feel I have completely CURED for myself. I'm now at the point where caring about someone's opinion of me doesn't even make sense; it simply doesn't register as information that matters to me at all. I believe anyone can learn to let go of caring what others think and getting defensive. It's just a matter of changing the way you get validation and process reactions from others. So I've created a practical playbook-style guide you can use to stop being needy for validation and emotionally hurt by criticism from other people. This concise guide covers: - What it really means to "care" what others think - The mental model: how to fill your own cup with self-validation - The 7 filters that make judgements against you powerless - The practical exercise (do this today) to make this real - The “never defend yourself” drill - Build your self-worth system (the real foundation to long term confidence) Comment "Confident!" to get a copy of it! You have until the end of Fri this week to get your copy. This playbook is a brief guide for the "How to Not Give a Fuck" workshop I'll be running next Tues, (exclusive and free for VIP members only): https://www.skool.com/brojo-the-integrity-army-6491/calendar?eid=fd962f8e69b4497e941dfbb8ad760da7 This short workshop will be all about how to train yourself to stop caring what other people think of you, so that you're socially confident and free at all times! Dan

Welcome everyone to the Brojo Integrity Army community! Thank you all so much for joining. NEXT STEPS: 1) Please write a post introducing yourself - where you're from, what you're working on, and anything else you want people to know about you. 2) Have a look at the Nice Guy Recovery & Social Confidence course in the Classroom tab. 3) Check out the Membership Upgrade options to unlock the most valuable courses and coaching support. 4) Test out the Virtual Dan Coaching App to get specific support and guidance on your unique goals and issues (you'll be amazed at how much it sounds like Dan). ------ Some group rules to keep in mind: - No solicitation without my approval - do not offer your services or products as posts or private comments to other members - if someone does this, let me know immediately. This will result in a permanent ban. - Keep it respectful and try to help each other out. Disagreement is fine, abuse is not. - This page is exclusively about self-development, so discussions on unrelated topics (e.g. politics) will get deleted. - If anything in this group bothers you for whatever reason, please personally message me and I'll try to sort it out Thanks, and enjoy the community!! Dan