I have not been allowed to have a relationship with at all with my 2 younger grandchildren. 3 and 8 months. And have only been allowed to spend time with the 13 yr old one time in the past 3 yrs and that visit I was given a 10 hour notice I could pick her up from school and spend a few hours with her. It was a bit strained because it had been almost 3 yrs but it made us both happy and I enjoyed every moment! With strict rules. This child doesn’t belong to my current SIL who I don’t really know. Well I went to the ballgame of the 13 yr old. Sat. Which I’ve always done. At the end of ballgame she came over and told me she was going home with me! But , I had to take her to buy shorts and summer clothes that’s the only reason moms letting me come. “So let’s hurry up , go to Walmart and get clothes quick so we can go to your house and spend time”. Of course I was extremely happy she was coming with me but very angry that my Ed had put a financial stipulation on the fact I had to purchase clothes for here. My his was furious! Obviously I didn’t mind buying her clothes when I’ve always bought her clothes BUT… the fact my daughter even told her daughter this!!! My granddaughter is my girl , she spent every wknd with me and my husband every wknd prior to the estranged and then was just ripped away for 3 yrs! My heart was broken . My daughter has issues, she only chooses controlling men and she can’t be without one. She’s 36 and husband is 29. This one . And at the end of visit I had to drive 1 hr to take her home. She wouldn’t meet me but when we met her there she was all happy act like we had never had this estrangement. But she has in the past few months sent me a text stating I could begin to have visits with 13 old because it’s important to my granddaughter but that it would not change the relationship she had with me or the little children. Don’t get me wrong I will gladly do anything to keep a relationship with Charlie my granddaughter but I know it’s very conditional. I never acted upset or any different way to my daughter during the 2 visits. We tried to ask if we could see her a couple of wks ago and message was ignored. My husband and everyone else in family knows she is using me financially and always has. She manipulates because she knows I miss my granddaughter. I know I have to play the game to get visits and I know God is in control but I’m concerned about the damage to my granddaughter. Just need to vent . 😢

4/23/2026 Hello. My husband and I have been in this course since early March. This is bound to be long because I’ve been planning to write this post for quite some time, and now I have more to report. OK—here goes, and, believe me, this is mighty uncomfortable. I have had four or five major breakthroughs in the past few weeks. Catherine’s questions bring me back to years—decades--of therapy, group counseling, neurolinguistic work, positive psychology training, intuition training, Reiki healing, and everything else I’ve done. I have examined past trauma, starting in childhood, and including generational trauma, as well as communication and behavior patterns I’ve developed throughout the years (including early marriage and divorce—this is my 2nd marriage), and relationships with both healthy and unhealthy people. What I should do is go back and review notes and journals. I’m remembering snippets from past years when my oldest daughter said, “The closer you want to be, the farther away we’ll go” (or something to that effect), “You are too clingy and needy,” “you don’t respect boundaries,” “I’m very private and you tell people my business.” There is more: “When I was 11, you did this/you said that. . . .” I rarely understood any of that. Of course, I got defensive and then “took it personally,” and that’s what she got stuck on: “You take everything personally.” (And how else would I take it?) I’d even say, “OK, I was a bad mother. So sorry.” (And then cry.) (This came from one daughter—not the other—our oldest, who is now 41.) I just thought it was an odd reaction to my expressing interest in her life and wanting to share. I could never hear this as anything but her pushing me away and criticizing. I felt she was mean and cruel. She has never apologized to me once in her life. (Catherine enlightened me by saying that people who are “perfectionists” cannot apologize. I understand that now, and she IS a perfectionist. Also, I only now understand parts of her life in the past 6-8 years, living with an alcoholic, dysfunctional husband and father of her son/our grandson; he could not hold a job, she brought in the money by working full-time AND operating her own business, driving long distances for work, working nonstop in a very demanding job (with mentally ill criminals), not sleeping. Our grandson would call us at midnight, sobbing and scared. . . . I see now that she was in survival mode. We didn’t even know about the alcoholism—she didn’t tell us—we just knew he was impossible and miserable to us—until shortly before he died last year.

Has anyone else listened to the modules and said .... damn .... I don't think I ever did it right? Not beating myself up over it like I used to, but Boy do I have a lot of work to do! Another thought that continues to rise up within me is this: We're not supposed to have expectations of our children and I can see why that's a good idea, however, why is it perfectly okay for them to have expectations of us as parents? My frustration with this is finances (as they spend on whatever they want and depend on us for all of their emergencies and we come to the rescue). I get verbally abused if I say no. Aren't they adults too? About 14 years ago I took a course / retreat and while there I learned why my parents were who they were and I bettered our relationship as the child. I'm grateful that I still have them (86 and 89 yrs old).

Hello! When we’ve missed a class, where do we go to listen?

Parents often struggle when their children make values choices that do not align with how they were raised. Then what follows is an internal struggle that becomes an external problem because they do not know how to love their children without them agreeing with them. Parents do not compromise their values when they love their kids who have ventured off into another perspective. This recording addresses the issues that accompany the internal conflicts and helps parents see why love matters.