I was talking to my neighbor yesterday, and she asked me: “How do I know if I’m the problem in my relationship… or if he is?” She was exhausted. Confused. She wanted clarity. A diagnosis. Someone to finally say: It’s you. Or: It’s him. I told her, “You probably won’t like my answer.” Then I said: Everything that hurts inside you is yours. That doesn’t mean his behavior is always acceptable. It doesn’t mean he isn’t defensive, blaming, distant, or manipulative. It doesn’t mean you’re imagining things. What I’m really saying is that the pain activated in you belongs to your nervous system, your history, your unmet needs, your self-abandonment. - When he withdraws, what happens inside you? - When he blames, what do you feel? - When he shuts down, do you collapse? Attack? Over-explain? Comply? That part is yours. Relationships are systems.Two nervous systems dancing with each other’s wounds. Trying to figure out “who has the problem” keeps you focused outward. Healing begins the moment you turn inward: - Where am I abandoning myself here? - What am I afraid to feel? - What am I tolerating that hurts me? - What would be loving toward myself right now? Here is the paradox: He may have real issues. And you still cannot solve them. But you can change your participation in the dynamic. When one person stops self-abandoning, the entire system shifts. Sometimes the relationship improves. Sometimes it falls apart. But either way, clarity comes. And you start healing the day you decide to take care of what is hurting you, instead of placing all your attention on the other person.

Letting.go of who I was is hard to do. Even though that person doesn't exsist anymore. I still dream of her healthy and whole. The saddest part is the expectation of those that expect me to be the same.

5 biggest blocks worksheet

Is this where I am to post the homework?

Where do I submit my forms