So today I did days 1&2. This is my third time. First time I got half way thru. Second time I finished it. Yesterday I told Amy I didn't know what my loop was. This is what I came up with (very quickly I might add). Loop--I've never kept the weight off before. I've never trained hard enough to change my body because I think it's too hard. Consistency is boring. My stuff never stays organized so why bother. Those are a few thoughts that popped up. I probably never shared them before. What I do know right now is to not keep trying. Had I not finished this last time I wouldn't be where I am now. For me the continued repetition is key. Plus if I miss a day just get right back at it--no shame no blame.

So I did day 3 (I knew I had time this morn). It's all been quite enlightening. Loop--could be feeling bad about the circumstances around me and how it is affecting my life. It spills over into things I already have problems with (sticking to food plan, relationships, clutter, getting stronger).

Day 42✅

Day 53✅ I edited the noise by removing a few commitments.

Day 13 done. I journaled a lot about it. One thing I noticed is how many things I do to motivate myself. That word came up all over the place. I got this far last time and I feel like I am going deeper in my thought process. I’ve given up some things to have the time to do this. I do believe this is the disconnect with moving forward in life.

Day 15✅ I have been working hard to catch up but not just grazing over this really important stuff. Once again I gave up something to have extra time. I’m also realizing how ridiculous my schedule is everyday. I’ve said this before in the last round “Making space for God to happen”. There just isn’t enough space. I don’t think it is all our fault in today’s world. The only one that can make it happen is me. I say no to a lot of things. I will keep practicing that. Door day 15 there is a nightly reflection—-not usually my specialty. I believe I need to reflect in late afternoon. Wish me luck.

On Day 13—I have been sick since Sunday. Funny I took a few days off of work and I have time to be down. Even though it isn’t my specialty. I’m not totally sure what is wrong with me but I know I am doing better. I am not mad or beating myself up because I am still behind in this. I hopped right back on it this morning. I worked on my internal/external triggers. On a side note—my food went really well while being sick. I really stuck to the whole protein thing (even the Doc was impressed). I didn’t eat as much but tried to eat things that would help heal my body—-not derail it. My husband has onset dementia and can make easy things very difficult. He’s already in a mood today. I’m working on having compassion for him but also doing what I need to do for myself. The schedule isn’t big today—-shower and take cat to the vet. He wants me to cancel that and I said no (I already had to cancel a massage). Part of taking this time off is to give me space to have time for these things (my sponsor called it “Making space for God to happen.” ) So even doing that can be overwhelming but I’m not letting it derail me. I will continue to write it, practice it and look at my notes.

Day 17 done. I just got done doing my visualization for my day. I really like that idea. I ask God every morning to direct my thinking but I like seeing what I might be able to do. During the quiet time it popped up about not having enough space in my life. I have really been working on that. When I was sick last week I had already scheduled a few days off. While I didn’t want to spend it doing that I didn’t have to make up clients. In this new chapter of life a lot of things happen in the day to day that I have no control over. I need to have space to deal with it so it doesn’t trigger an old loop.