Hi Superparents, Have you ever noticed that your child saves their biggest, loudest emotions for your living room? Or that they fall deeply asleep in the car the second you pick them up? It’s easy to think, "Why are they acting out with me?" But their nervous system is actually saying: "I am safe. I can finally let go." The Psychology: Restraint Collapse There is a name for this: Restraint Collapse. Children (and adults!) expend a huge amount of energy "holding it together" in environments where they feel they need to perform or be "good" to be accepted. When they finally return to their Safe Attachment Figure (you), that restraint collapses. The meltdown or the deep sleep, is actually the highest compliment. It means they don't have to wear a mask with you. The "Other House" Dynamic It is painful when it feels like your child "prefers" the other house, or acts "perfect" over there. But remember: Conditional love comes from fear. If they are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting the other parent, they aren't being their true selves. In your house, they don't have to perform. They can be messy, loud, and real. The "Spilled Milk" Test In my book The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo visits a neighborhood called Perfect Point. He watches a child accidentally break a sandcastle and immediately throw himself to the ground in terror, screaming, "I broke it, it's not perfect!". That child was terrified of making a mistake. Your house is the opposite of Perfect Point. In a Safe Headquarters, when milk spills, there is no yelling. We don't shame; we solve. "Oops, accidents happen. Let's grab a towel and clean this up together." You are teaching them that mistakes are not dangerous, they are just problems to be solved. The Silent House I know the silence is hard when they leave. Watching the house become quiet can feel heavy. But you are a Safe Headquarters for yourself, too. While they are gone, nurture you. Fill your own cup so that when they come back, tired, emotional, and ready to "collapse" into your arms, you are ready to catch them.

A Quick-Release Tool for Superparents The Goal: To identify what is bubbling inside before the lid blows off. The Rule: You don't have to fix it. You just have to name it. STEP 1: Check Your Dashboard Just like a car dashboard light, your body signals when the pressure is too high. Circle what you are feeling right now: - The Jaw: Clenched teeth / Grinding at night - The Chest: Tightness / Heavy feeling - The fuse: Snapping at small things / Zero patience - The Fog: Can't focus / Wanting to "zone out" or sleep - The Noise: Racing thoughts / Can't sit still STEP 2: Name the Fuel Anger is often just the "smoke." What is the fire underneath? (Choose one or two) - Overwhelmed: "I have too many tasks and not enough hands." - Unappreciated: "I do everything and nobody notices." - Lonely: "I miss having an adult partner to talk to." - Scared: "I am worried about money/the future." - Guilty: "I feel like I'm not doing enough for my kids." - Grieving: "I miss the life I thought I would have." STEP 3: The 3-Minute Release Valve Pick ONE action to release a little pressure right now. - The Physical Release: Do 10 pushups or a 1-minute plank. (Burn the adrenaline). - The Vocal Release: Go to your car/pillow and yell (or sing loudly) for 10 seconds. - The Brain Dump: Write down 3 things stressing you out on a scrap of paper, then throw it away. - The Reset: Drink a full glass of cold water in one go. STEP 4: The Truth Anchor Read this out loud to yourself: "My anger is a signal, not a character flaw. I am doing a hard job alone. It is okay to be tired. It is okay to feel this. I am a good father because I am still here trying." Please share these with a Superparent that might find this helpful.

Hi Superparents, Being a single parent requires a kind of strength that most people will never understand. You have to split yourself into multiple people: the provider, the nurturer, the teacher, and the disciplinarian. The bills double, the time shrinks, and physically, we are exhausted. We want to be present for our kids, but often our minds are stuck figuring out how to survive the month. Today, I want to talk specifically to the single dads. Growing up, most of us were given one playbook: Be strong. Don't cry. Man up. That might have helped us look tough on the outside, but on the inside, it often just made the storm stronger. Nobody taught us how to release the pressure, so we just kept sealing the lid tighter. The "Pressure Cooker" Trap: We see so many cases where single dads are judged as "aggressive" or "angry." But often, that anger isn't who they are, it’s a release valve. 🧠 Psychologists call this the "Pressure Cooker Effect" of emotional suppression. Research shows that when men suppress sadness or vulnerability to conform to traditional masculine norms, that energy doesn't disappear. It transforms. It often re-emerges as irritability, anger, or sudden aggression because the emotional "container" is simply overflowing. True Strength is Clearing the Storm Validating your emotions isn't a weakness; it is the ultimate sign of strength. When you deal with that storm inside, you clear out the debris. You make space. And do you know what fills that space? Love. When you aren't holding back the dam, you can let more love in, and let more love out for your children. "Man Up" and Cry --> It is okay to cry. You are not less of a man for it; you are a more human father. Try opening up a little today—whether it's with a friend, a family member, or just writing it down. Let them know you are working on this part of yourself. You can be tough and still feel deeply. So man up, cry it out, and come back stronger. I can't remember a time my own dad said "I love you" to me. I knew he felt it, but he never had the tools to express it. I decided to break that cycle. Today, I challenge my son to see who can scream "I LOVE YOU!" the loudest. It is silly, it is loud, and it is so much fun. But most importantly, every single day, he knows—without a doubt—that his dad loves him.

Being a single parent is a heroic journey, and you're already doing an amazing job for your children! 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️ 🔹 Let's connect! In this safe space, you'll find a supportive network of specialists and fellow solo parents navigating the adventures of single parenthood. 🔹 Dive in by commenting below: Tell us where you're located, one fun, unique thing about your relationship with your kids, and a parent superpower that you have!

Have you ever set a firm boundary, only to have your ex explode? You say "no" to a schedule change, or you refuse to engage in an argument, and suddenly... BOOM. They go nuclear. They send the barrage of texts, they threaten court, they call your family, they try to burn everything down. It is terrifying. It feels like you made a mistake. But you didn't. The Truth: When a narcissist feels control slipping away, they don't retreat. They escalate. Their goal is to create enough chaos to make you lose your footing. They want you rattled, defensive, and exhausted, because when you are off-balance, you are easier to control. There is a specific behavioral term for this: The Extinction Burst. In psychology, when you stop reinforcing a behavior (by ignoring them or holding a boundary), the behavior doesn't just stop immediately. It spikes. It gets louder, meaner, and more intense, like a toddler screaming at the top of their lungs right before they finally give up. The "nuclear" reaction is not a sign of their power. It is the death rattle of their control. Your Strategy: Enjoy the Show In The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo and Jasper learn a powerful lesson in Mirrorland. When the intimidation tactics don't work, there is an "abrupt silence," and the intimidating figures simply walk away. When the narcissist goes nuclear, do not put on your hazmat suit and jump into the fire. Grab your popcorn instead. 🍿 Remain calm. Observe it like a bad movie. Tell yourself: "Ah, right on schedule. The Extinction Burst." You are safe in your headquarters. Let them have their tantrum. You have already won the war. 👇 Let’s chat: Have you experienced an "Extinction Burst" recently? How did you keep your cool?