@David Newman well first I think it's not so black and white. If entering back into the habit will not lead to freedom, but resistance and force will lead to pendulum swinging in opposite direction what I to do? I cannot resist and I can not let go. I think the answer is awareness which involves partaking and witnessing the results. But I would agree if I totally recognize it does not serve me, I wouldnt go back to it. But clearly some part of me still thinks I am getting something good from it. Why is it the most important thing in my life? Woukd you disagree the most important thing a heroin addict can do is stop using heroin? As long as and especially if it is through spiritual methods of clearing up karma? I have been watching porn for over a decade straight. It is the single most sinful thing do and the loss of my sexual energy directly contributes to my lack of spiritual growth hitherto. I am talking past tense and my identity is shifting to becoming free of all that but I am not speaking about my identity I am speaking about what has occured in the past

We are consciousness trapped by the monster mind no? We want to be free. But the monster mind has all sorts of tricks to keep us stuck in ego. We know this and we focus on this in our own minds every day. However, we fai to see how this applies to other people. We often judge and say "why do they act like this" etc. But this is a clever trick of the monster mind. See the monster mind in some sense is a plane of energy just as much as it is an individual entity for each of us. So imagine - They are consciousness trapped just like you. But they are calcified in their identification with the monster mind. Hopelessly asleep. The only light they could find would be in you, who is not totally asleep. But the monster mind knows two things- first, that if it cannot convince them to have hate, anger, rudeness, sneering at you - that they may see the light in you and begin to awaken them. And second, that you, who is becoming free of the monster mind in you, can be hoodwinked by the monster mind in them. That if the manifestation of ego in them can poke at you (and it knows how, trust me) then it can also drag you down. The golden chains of righteousness. Instead of saying I am consciousness, and I am becoming free of the ego, but these people are making it difficult, or these people should be freeer that they are etc... Say, we are consciousness. And the ego plane has kept all of us trapped. And these incarnations around me are calcified in their hopelessness. But let me be a beacon of light for the consciousness in them. Let me be the light that shines on the darkness. I see the ego energy's in me that is also in them trying to keep us separate, but I know the love and awareness that is buried in them is desperately trying to become free. And so it is in me. All judgement is a trap of the ego, the devil, and I will not allow it in my life as I am a child of God most high and I will not fall to the traps of the ego. Something along those lines❤️❤️❤️

The only thing I know is that I know nothing:)